What am I doing here

So here I am sat at the station waiting for my train at 7.15am to head
into work to do overtime on a Saturday. I know it's sick isn't it. I
never thought I'd stoop this low in life and sacrifice a Saturday
morning in bed.

But at 12 quid an hour I'd be anyones whore.

Plus this isn't a normal Saturday as I mentioned tomorrow I go on
holiday for 2 weeks. Any ordinary saturday and I'd still be in that
bed I can assure you. You need a minimum of two days away from work or
suddenly the cheerful happy go lucky David people meet in work would
suddenly become the David who walks around bitter and angry, as much
as one can look angry when you have the walk I have or happy strut as
I like to call it.

Today Myers from work was also coming in to do overtime with me but I
got a text at 7am saying he was going to stay in as he couldn't be
"bothered". That was basically meaning that "I woke up and couldn't
believe I was gettig up on a Saturday and I'm still so bloody tired".
I don't blame him. So now I'm on my lonesome.

Tonight I need to go to bed as late as possible in order for me to
wake up as late as possible. Flight is 12.45 Monday morning so it'll
be a long night up. If I wake up at 3pm sunday it should help a lot.
As long as no sodding gardeners wake me up again. You have all week to
cut the tree of my unemployed neighbour. Why do it at 8am on the
weekend? And why speak so loudly too? It's so unbelievable selfish. Am
I not normal? Well I'm blogging on a Saturday morning on a train about
nothing so yes I'm not normal but am I not normal about considering
doing loud gardening so early on a weekend a total disgrace. They also
spoke loudly and laughed.

"so Barry couldn't get back up...."
(both laugh loudly)

So selfish. Dreadful and awful human beings.

So here I am heading to work. How bizarre. Next thing you'll tell me
is I'm a success at life. Do I stay till 4pm or go earlier and attempt
not to leave all my packing to my mum when I'm aged 23. But to be fair
she does seem to like it...

I suppose I better go now before I get caught with no signal to send
in the tunnel. I'll send out one more entry later on I think.

Oh and just to leave you with something to ponder. Don't you hate
those people who you imagine must be a woman by their voice but look
manish and wear man clothes? They're either incredibly camp or a
woman. Add to the equation tiredness on a Saturday morning whilst my
body is stunned at me bein up nothing is functioning. Still hard work
to work the person next to me out.

I'd take a picture and put it on here of the person but I'd probably
be arrested...

See you later

Roonmeister
Sent from my iPhone

Welcome to another fiesty edition of my boring and rather predictable
blog. Or as I like to call it 'journal of manliness'.

Today you join me on my rather rivetting train and armed with my
iPhone (yes I sold out/go on the internet even then out) I'm bashing
something out to you. All I know is I have to email it to blogger
which they then claim they'll put up for me. So lets see if this works.

If it does it'll mean a lot of morning and afternoon train ride
entries where I attempt to keep awake by writing general rubbish about
the people around me. So if you like creepy meaningless crap you may
be happy.

Except this time I ran out of time on the train to write anything and
now I'm having to write it whilst walking. I predict a potential car
related injury.

On Sunday I'm heading off to sunny Zante for two whole weeks and have
collected my final load of euros. People gasp whenever I say I'm
taking 1200 quid. The question is will that be enough for what I have
planned? Mega Shenanigans.

Eddie told me the other day that he was worried for his health. I
tried to tell him that the dog that chased us half a mile into a
German bar in gran canaria wouldn't be in Zante. I guess I was missing
the point he was making. On the last two holidays I've been on i've

Been robbed by a prostitute
Chased by dog half a mile
Sang the Nazi version of the German national anthem by mistake... In a
German bar
Been abducted by a taxi driver
Oh and the whole urination incident...

I'm sure I'll come back with more amusing tales from this one to keep
my rooneymaniacs. Including pictures of me and my (funny or really gay
whatever you see it as) t shirt which says roonmeister on. I smell the
chance to make a complete tit of myself by pointing loudly at my name
and screaming stolen catchphases.

Fun.

I thought I'd learnt to type quick on this thing but I've been typing
on the train and now am nearly home. I'll leave you with a question.

Today was my last day in work for 2 and a half weeks. But overtime is
available tomorrow. 100 quid for a day. It would come in handy. But
what will I feel when my alarm goes off at 7am. We shall find out...

If I manage it expect an update before I depart. If I don't then I
shall speak to you all upon my return...

Best wishes,

The rooney

P.s whoever that was playing Rihanna on their headphones on the train
it was way too loud and loads of people were discussing it. Heads up
for next time.

P.p.s good album mind...

Sent from my iPhone

What angers me

A lot of people wonder if i'm ever angry and bitter. A lot of people wonder if i'm ever not angry or bitter. So to educate people a lot more about how I tick here is a complete list of things that anger me/frustrate me.

- Early trains

There's no need in them. Why can't the train just wait in the station the 2 minutes needed. It's due to the driver being selfish and wanting to get home for dinner earlier. Bitter.

- People who walk too slow/walk too fast

You're walking at a quick pace down the pavement. Suddenly you see someone coming down your rear (ooh ducky) and moving to the side in order to overtake you. I find this incredibly pathetic and irritating. Yes we hate people who walk slow and get in our way. But i'm walking at a quick pace and yet people still try to overtake. Why? To make themselves feel better? For superiority? It's almost as bad as the ultra bitter pavement walker. This person approaches you unneccessarily quick and then jogs past you before slowing down once they pass you. This person needs to be eliminated.

- Monday mornings.

Yes a token entry. Whilst a lot of people wake up angry that they have a week ahead of them i just wake up with a feeling of anger and regret. Anger that i have to get up. Regret that i didnt appreciate being off and lying more in my bed the day before.

- People on benefits

"If i work less hours do i get more money? No point working more hours if i can just get more money for not doing anything". Quote. Do i need to say anymore.

- Stupid hats

Scally boys who wear stupid hats in the height of summer. The worst offending hat i have come across is the bobble hat. I give you this dreadful cancer.


I saw someone wearing this hat the other day during the recent 'heatwave'. It had to be around 90 and yet here was this dickhead getting out of some manual labour van with shorts and a t shirt on and this cancerous hat. He started strutting down the road. You knew he'd be at the pub shortly with barry the job seeker allowance mate and his drug dealing friend Jason 'i only give the drugs to 'me' mates so it don't count as a drug dealer' Brown (i made the name up). I looked up at the hat wearing idiot and thought to myself not to assume he would be a lower class scal. So i looked at his face. Ah yes inbred looking face. Bullmastiff dog shaped features. Yes another scally. Hurrah.

- Scallies

See above for more anger. Pointless people with horrible accents who bring nothing to society at all except...Yeah can't think of anything. Subhuman and inbreds.


Scally playing football in park before he meets his friends at bus stop for drinks.

- People who cut lines into their eyebrows

You know this 'craze' started because some idiot was trying to cut his unibrow and accidentally cut into his eyebrow. He went into school the next day and got laughed at and suddenly he convinced everyone it was intentional. So begins a craze. I don't see the attraction. At all.

- The wonder bar

Yeah its closed down so you might ask why its on the list of things that anger me. The fact is i was FORCED to go to this shit hole for many, many years with the rest of my school year whenever we finished exams/got exam results/etc. Now looking back I should have grown a set of balls and just gone off on my own. I would have had more fun doing shots of tequila with the local tramp with the cardboard guitar. But the fact of the matter is i didn't. I sat in this shit hole. I listened to the awful music. I saw the dreadful drug induced wasters bouncing up and down. I even went to the toilet and saw a blowjob going on next to a urinal. I didn't pee that night.

- People who hate things because everyone hates it but they don't actually have any reaons behind it.

"i'm proper glad Newcastle got relegated"
"Why?"
"they think they're a big club"
"They're the only club in their city. They have a huge stadium. They've spent loads of money in the last ten years. They're the sixth most successful club in the history of english football. Shoudnt they consider themselves a biggish club? Is there anything wrong in doing so. Surely its better than being a pointless little club who attempts to finish 17th every season"
"still hate them"
"why?"
"they think they're a big club"
"........."

Ah yes the popular reaction to hate Newcastle United. No one really knows why but Jimmy from 'da streets' hated them and he passed this hatred into his local pub the croc. This was passed on. So everyone hated them but no one actually knew why. Oh except for the whole 'they think they're a big club' bullshit. Which is an argument which could be ripped apart more than a...i wanted to say wet paper bag but thats incredibly unoriginal. Like this argument.

This isn't just about Newcastle. This could be used against all those cliche things people hate. Rainy days, ITV, alcopops, Ibiza...stop hating things to be popular and be original and get your own anger and your own personal issues.

Like me.
- Drink prices going up.

Well done Chancellor! Pubs are going out of business because drinks are too expensive and people are preferring to go to supermarkets to buy cheaper alcohol to drink inside. What does the chancellor do? Well to raise more funds to tackle unemployment and the effects of the 'credit crunch' he raises the tax on alcohol. Which in turn makes drinks more expensive. Which in turn stops more people going the pub. Which in turn pushes more pubs out of business. Which in turn pushes more people into unemployment. Which in turn pushes people into benefits.

..............

It's the stupidest cycle ever and it will continue in a few months then the chancellor announces he needs to raise more taxes on petrol and alcohol to pay for the unemployed.

Oh and by the way the house of commons bar prices haven't gone up in over 10 years. I wonder if WKD blue is still £1.85 over there. Bet it is.
- Credit crunch

Doesn't exist. If i see more people saying that word I will scream. Its a recession. It happens a lot. We're not all going to die. It happened in the 90's. It happened in the 70's. It will end. It will happen again. It's nothing like the wall street crash of 1929. If it was you would fucking know about it. (i swore to make my point more)

- Medical experts

You're drinking too much. You're eating too much. The temperature of the planet is going up. Potatos give you cancer. You're not eating another fruit. By the way fruit gives you cancer. I'm fed up of 'medical experts' continously coming up with some golden nugget of helpful pissy advice whenever something comes into the news.

I remember the last one was about the chancellor putting up the drink tax and the medical experts or the anti drink campaigners were allegedly 'celebrating wildly' in the bbc article i read. How can you celebrate wildly without drink first of all?

Second of all i found a good youtube video the other day (yeah i'm sad and i don't have a life) where a medical expert is quizzed on the weekly units of alcohol figures that were realsed. We were told we could have like 18 units a week? Which comes to about 1 vodka and coke. Even breathing for a week puts you over 18 units a week. When quizzed how they came to the figure of 18 units the medical expert squirmed and mentioned 'research into alcohol related illness' before finally admitting he and his experts came to a rounded number. Which basically means they're guessing.

Do you ever think medical experts are the biggest kill joys ever. I personally don't want to know eating a carrot is going to give me cancer. I've been eating them a while now it won't really make a difference if true. Do you think they go home at night and violate themselves at the idea of spoiling everyones fun? Or just sit on their sofas crying that they 'celebrate wildly' over taxes going up.

This is a medical expert. He celebrates wildly whenever taxes go up. He doesn't like you going out or being happy. He doesn't like fruit of vegetables as they possibly give cancer. He doesnt like nylon shirts either as they could give tumors. He lives a miserable existence.

Who knows.

- Dvd prices

£12 quid for a dvd? Something i'll watch 3 times my whole life. Are you mental?

- Cinema prices

£5 for a movie? See above. Are you mental?

- People who always choose good times on fifa online.

Yes i'll go stockport county. Who will you go? A championship team? A lowly italian side? Nope you're going Barcelona. Or Chelsea. Well done. I bet once you beat my lowly english league side you'll be punching the air thinking you're amazing and you'll go lick that picture of lionel messi you have on your wall.

- People who gel their hair.

It looks like grease and i don't trust people who do so. This isn't an advert for "redken" (i didnt know any gel companies so i just googled one) nope this is real life and your hair looks like a greasy mess. Get over it and wash your hair out. Oh no you can't control it without greasy gel and it looks messy? GET A HAIRCUT THEN

Thats my anger for now. Please feel free to check back later for more. Please don't section me over this.

Best wishes,

El RoonMeister