Before i start just to emphasis the entry below is emotional and filled with yours truly feeling sorry for himself. So if you're not a fan of these entries look away now.
As most people know, i've said it enough times, this year has been the worst year of my life. A lot of people throw this expression about a lot of times over very trivial things i.e not getting a job etc. But this truly has been the worst year of my life.
A whole host of things have gone dreadfully wrong for me. Which all begun on January 1st with my dad's illness. Little did i know as i lay asleep after an eventful and funny new years eve that my life would take such a downturn and that everything would change beyond all comprehension.
My Dad has now battled his illness for almost 9 months and showed great bravery and dignity. I've always had a lot of respect for my dad. A family man who's provided a loving home for his family and his priorities have always been the happiness of those around him firstly. I suppose like most people you don't appreciate these things until the very end and when you realise how lucky you really were.
A lot of other things important to me were lost this year and a lot of mistakes were made. None contend to my Dad but all played a role in pushing me further down and aiding in the self proclaimed 'fall of david rooney' (i do like to be as dramatic as possible). Quite a few important things happened that i never told people about which i probably should have as it might have helped. Maybe i've learnt to stop bitching about things so much and get on with the job of looking after those around me. Maturity...surely not? Or maybe I didnt want to repeat the mistakes of yesteryear and the infamous emotional bratty year 12 David. Plus why sink into sadness and self pity? It doesn't accomplish anything especially when i have people to look after.
Being emotionally devoid and pushing things down has its benefits but maybe its stopped me telling certain people how i felt in time or showed people how i felt. Maybe that's something i'll have to live with for the rest of my life.
As we approach the end of the end I should probably thank those who supported me during the rough times and those who will support me in the ongoing shit. Simple things such as texts mean a lot to me then you're in the position i'm in. Being emotionally devoid these days i won't look for help nor feel i really need any help or support. It's sort of like being a person screaming out but with no voice. A silent scream. Simple texts kept me going though and the occassional visits or nights out. People agreeing to simply go the pub with me to watch the football kept me going. For those people i'm eternally grateful for their support.
It's an unbelieviably lonely experience i'm walking through at the moment. Even if you know you have support. You put up the brave act with those immediately around you because you know you have to be the strong one and because you have tried so hard to be strong that you've subdued any emotion anyway. But by doing all this you leave yourself open to a feeling that you're actually in this alone watching as the sensible people try to sort their emotions out with in the ongoing madness around you. Maybe a bit jealous of them.
Acting the way I do to be the strong one means that people actually think you're coping fine. "oh he's making jokes he'll be fine!" they probably think. To be honest i am fine and i am coping. But probably in a very unhealthy way which will probably come to bite me on the arse in a few years time...Hello therapy at 40 years old.
What i'm trying to say is...firstly i wouldnt wish this year on anyone and a big thank you to all the people who supported me and my family. finally I tried to let you in on my thoughts and feelings though i probably did it all quite badly. If you want to know exactly how i feel follow the silent scream analogy. I look fine and i feel fine but probably deep down i am screaming. I don't hear it and probably most people don't hear it either. why would they think anything is up with me. For those who do hear and do come through for me many thanks.
The show must go on and i must depart to bed. This year's entries have been quite pitiful so far. Don't worry i should be back to the good old humour masking crippling social and moral issues shortly...i've tried to be emotional and serious before but unfortunately i am and will always be the clown.
Until then if you pray, please pray for us all. If you don't pray then get in touch with me. i may not reply but trust me i appreciate it. You can't say anything wrong. It's me for bloody sake!
Mucho love rooney maniacs
P.S Van Persie is a dutch bastard
Sunday, 31 August 2008
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
18 years ago
18 years ago my Grandad, my dads dad, died in hospital after a long illness. I'm afraid i never got to met him or experience any sadness at his time of death. I wish i had got the chance to meet him though. He lived a long life though.
What a match though tonight. I turned up at the village inn alone to watch the second half of the match. I was alone but it's what one has to do then you terminate sky sports in your own house. Newcastle were 2-0 up. What could go wrong?
Immediately things did upon my arrival. Whilst waiting for a drink and as i turned to the old mogul barmaid for a glass of rose coventry scored. Things could indeed go wrong. I drank my glass of wine slowly not wanting to buy another one for the whole night. After 80 minutes i decided for one more arrogant glass to celebrate a fine win. A game we dominated even though the score hadn't suggested we had.
What the heck happens? Toon concede with a huge bitter long throw about 2 minutes after the final whislte should have been blown. 2 minutes injury time? The ref decides to support the poor underdog and give him an extra 4 mins to try and get a goal. Oh my god he does as well! what a coincidence he blows the final whistle seconds after coventry have equalised.
Thankfully the story ends well. Even though newcastle had been bittered by a suspect referee they somehow scored and i enjoyed a third and final glass of wine. What was bitter though was it was 3.50 a glass of wine. Or 7.50 a bottle. If coventry hadn't scored a final last second goal i'd have been fine. The last second goal screwed me over. I could have saved money otherwise. If only i'd known...
If only i'd known most things which were due to happen.
Today i ended up in hospital after a phone call from the hospital with bad news. I ran into the hospital not knowing anything. The courageous fight continues. I don't know how the fight ends exactly but what bravery. What a damn good fight.
18 years on.
18 years on from another disaster.
What a match though tonight. I turned up at the village inn alone to watch the second half of the match. I was alone but it's what one has to do then you terminate sky sports in your own house. Newcastle were 2-0 up. What could go wrong?
Immediately things did upon my arrival. Whilst waiting for a drink and as i turned to the old mogul barmaid for a glass of rose coventry scored. Things could indeed go wrong. I drank my glass of wine slowly not wanting to buy another one for the whole night. After 80 minutes i decided for one more arrogant glass to celebrate a fine win. A game we dominated even though the score hadn't suggested we had.
What the heck happens? Toon concede with a huge bitter long throw about 2 minutes after the final whislte should have been blown. 2 minutes injury time? The ref decides to support the poor underdog and give him an extra 4 mins to try and get a goal. Oh my god he does as well! what a coincidence he blows the final whistle seconds after coventry have equalised.
Thankfully the story ends well. Even though newcastle had been bittered by a suspect referee they somehow scored and i enjoyed a third and final glass of wine. What was bitter though was it was 3.50 a glass of wine. Or 7.50 a bottle. If coventry hadn't scored a final last second goal i'd have been fine. The last second goal screwed me over. I could have saved money otherwise. If only i'd known...
If only i'd known most things which were due to happen.
Today i ended up in hospital after a phone call from the hospital with bad news. I ran into the hospital not knowing anything. The courageous fight continues. I don't know how the fight ends exactly but what bravery. What a damn good fight.
18 years on.
18 years on from another disaster.
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
League cup brilliance
I might be in work until 8pm tonight but i have the match of the lifetime to watch once i get out. Newcastle United Vs Coventry City. The Ricoh arena will play host to this premiership tie between two gladiator sides.
It brings emotion to my eyes thinking about the times coventry were in the top flight with their great side of Dion Dublin and Hadji. What a side. Under the management of the rather bad skills of Gordon "i only did well in the scottish league but everyone does good there" Strachan.
Whatever the result tonight lets look back at some classic memories i think of whenever i think of the sky blues. let's hope they reclaim their premiership place soon at the expense of Fulham, Wigan, Bolton etc
Oh no for Busst.
Bet they fill it up better than the JJB...
It brings emotion to my eyes thinking about the times coventry were in the top flight with their great side of Dion Dublin and Hadji. What a side. Under the management of the rather bad skills of Gordon "i only did well in the scottish league but everyone does good there" Strachan.
Whatever the result tonight lets look back at some classic memories i think of whenever i think of the sky blues. let's hope they reclaim their premiership place soon at the expense of Fulham, Wigan, Bolton etc
Oh no for Busst.
Bet they fill it up better than the JJB...
Surviving not winning
Bank holiday is over. I didn't end up going into matthew street but instead found myself at kev's house enjoying a fine bottle of rose and watching an informative look back on the olympics as well as learning about crazy brian.
With all the loose ends sorted behind me its now becoming painfully obvious that things in my life are going to change dramatically beyond all recognition for me. I've always felt vulnerable towards change but am beginning to realise that it happens wherever you like it or not.
Friends in your life come and go, you change jobs more times than your underwear, you don't stay in the innocence of school all your life and death changes everything and everyone.
I suppose our mission in life is to accept change and realise that no matter how much we fight the inevitable it always keeps happening. You can do everything humanly possible to avoid it or write in blogs at your frustration...but it happens. It will happen to me.
Once the ultimate change occurs it'll be down to see what happens to me after this year of shit. I suppose i'm a lucky guy in a sense that whilst the world spins on its head and erupts in craziness some people remain in the fight with me. A fight destined to be lost but nevertheless its like those crazy hollywood movies with the hero of the movie charging towards 8 machine guns blasting out its worth. For those that joining me in that heroic ended i'm eternally grateful.
For one or two people maybe it got a little uncomfortable being in the fight with me. Maybe it stopped them worrying about their own little problems. Maybe it made more sense to sweep it under the carpet and continue with something which involved less effort and less daily upkeep. For that i don't blame them, absolutely not.
I understand the majority of this is in cyptic wording which no one will probably understand except the main part. Perhaps my idea in that is if i undo the cyptic language and shady clues, I fall.
With all the loose ends sorted behind me its now becoming painfully obvious that things in my life are going to change dramatically beyond all recognition for me. I've always felt vulnerable towards change but am beginning to realise that it happens wherever you like it or not.
Friends in your life come and go, you change jobs more times than your underwear, you don't stay in the innocence of school all your life and death changes everything and everyone.
I suppose our mission in life is to accept change and realise that no matter how much we fight the inevitable it always keeps happening. You can do everything humanly possible to avoid it or write in blogs at your frustration...but it happens. It will happen to me.
Once the ultimate change occurs it'll be down to see what happens to me after this year of shit. I suppose i'm a lucky guy in a sense that whilst the world spins on its head and erupts in craziness some people remain in the fight with me. A fight destined to be lost but nevertheless its like those crazy hollywood movies with the hero of the movie charging towards 8 machine guns blasting out its worth. For those that joining me in that heroic ended i'm eternally grateful.
For one or two people maybe it got a little uncomfortable being in the fight with me. Maybe it stopped them worrying about their own little problems. Maybe it made more sense to sweep it under the carpet and continue with something which involved less effort and less daily upkeep. For that i don't blame them, absolutely not.
I understand the majority of this is in cyptic wording which no one will probably understand except the main part. Perhaps my idea in that is if i undo the cyptic language and shady clues, I fall.
Sunday, 24 August 2008
Matthew Street Festival
August bank holiday rolls around again and as i look out of the window i see surprisingly a large amount of blue sky and sunshine. How strange. Bank holiday august also sees the matthew street festival kick off with 3 days of generic average at best bands playing at various stages around Liverpool with a collection of old people watching the cover versions of their favourite old songs and scallies simply in to drink as much as possible.
Which is why i'm a bit reluctant to subject myself to yet more bullshit music and heavy day of drinking due to the fact that friday alcohol raped me. Or i raped alcohol. I don't really know.
Friday was a day of celebration. A day to underline the past and actually look forward (things happened which for the interests of this website i shall no expose. But it shall be revealed in the soon to be written master novel 2008: The sad and pathetic fall of Rooney)
Unfortunately i marked the occassion on friday with excessive amounts of wine, cheeky vimtos, shots, alcopops, double vodkas...it all ended in quite a mess. I remember being in pop world around midnight completely and utterly destroyed. Everyone was around me making out with various other people. It's in these circumstances that the alcohol infested mind takes control and it leads you on a dangerous path to freedom. With no one to chat to, as everyones mouth was occupied already, I took the path to redemption.
Yeah i ended up in the blue angel alone.
I don't really know what i did there. I remember paying to get in and buying 2 wkd red. That's about it. Everything else is a blur. I'm not even sure how long i stayed in there for. It could have been 10 minutes or 2 hours. Which is the more worrying thing.
All i remember is getting in and feeling qutie sick and collapsing on my bed. I wake up in the morning with a large straw summer hat next to me and a quite absurd keyring. I was frozen by the sheer volume of my hangover. I needed to pee but this would be one path i could not take. I realised if i was to get out of bed i would surely be violently ill. So i closed my eyes and let my thoughts take over.
In other news my dad is back in hospital again. The 9 months of absolutely bastardness continues in terms with how he's doing.
Also i may indeed get away on holiday this year after all but it's going to be a tight one. After making a booking to go somewhere the website screwed up and charged us an extra 90 quid and gave us a different hotel...some phone rantings later and it got cancelled and money refunded. Now we must try again on thursday to get somewhere to go. After the year i've had the chance to go on holiday is surely a neccessity.
Which is why i'm a bit reluctant to subject myself to yet more bullshit music and heavy day of drinking due to the fact that friday alcohol raped me. Or i raped alcohol. I don't really know.
Friday was a day of celebration. A day to underline the past and actually look forward (things happened which for the interests of this website i shall no expose. But it shall be revealed in the soon to be written master novel 2008: The sad and pathetic fall of Rooney)
Unfortunately i marked the occassion on friday with excessive amounts of wine, cheeky vimtos, shots, alcopops, double vodkas...it all ended in quite a mess. I remember being in pop world around midnight completely and utterly destroyed. Everyone was around me making out with various other people. It's in these circumstances that the alcohol infested mind takes control and it leads you on a dangerous path to freedom. With no one to chat to, as everyones mouth was occupied already, I took the path to redemption.
Yeah i ended up in the blue angel alone.
I don't really know what i did there. I remember paying to get in and buying 2 wkd red. That's about it. Everything else is a blur. I'm not even sure how long i stayed in there for. It could have been 10 minutes or 2 hours. Which is the more worrying thing.
All i remember is getting in and feeling qutie sick and collapsing on my bed. I wake up in the morning with a large straw summer hat next to me and a quite absurd keyring. I was frozen by the sheer volume of my hangover. I needed to pee but this would be one path i could not take. I realised if i was to get out of bed i would surely be violently ill. So i closed my eyes and let my thoughts take over.
In other news my dad is back in hospital again. The 9 months of absolutely bastardness continues in terms with how he's doing.
Also i may indeed get away on holiday this year after all but it's going to be a tight one. After making a booking to go somewhere the website screwed up and charged us an extra 90 quid and gave us a different hotel...some phone rantings later and it got cancelled and money refunded. Now we must try again on thursday to get somewhere to go. After the year i've had the chance to go on holiday is surely a neccessity.
Monday, 11 August 2008
On the brink of a clean slate.
Greetings maniacs. Another troubling day is over and whats done is now done. Surely now the rebuilding work can commence. Yes more cryptic bullshit which is frustrating and it means this website accomplishes nothing by not revealing anything or being very interesting but for this opening paragraph its merely here for me to record these own moments for me to look back upon.
Anyway that all starts tomorrow.
As for today sad news took place as my beloved bath was ripped out. Ever since I moved into the house in 1999 this bath has become a close friend. I had my first wonderful experience in it which has led to me repeating this act far too many times now...sometimes two or three times a day.
Plus it was a nice deep bath. It's now being replaced by a shower for practical reasons and if you know me well enough you'll understand. If you don't know me then just accept i'm getting a shower surely you wouldnt care for the reasons as you don't know me...oh yeah! In your face Mr. Stranger.
Anyway yeah that bath was lovely. It's loss will be felt a lot more than any other persons exit from my life. It provided me with unconditional love, sexy times, warmth, it was dependable, loyal, always there for me in the bad times and also importantly the good times. If the bath was a woman i'd have married it a long time ago and we'd be in a bath house with a load of mini baths. I used to call the bath bathlina. She was so sexy. With an ass that wouldnt quit.
(The pain of our final goodbye is evident. gut wrenching...true love)
But in the end our love was cut short. At least i know she won't be able to move on quickly from me...since she'll be a skip. Our love for each other will always be remembered.
Thank you bathlina.
Let's look at some pictures of her.
(what a body...what curves...what an ass)
The handrail is a new feature. The rest is all her. All woman. She was actually only 27 years old but she was very experienced. She'd had a lot of different people in her. But with me and her it was different. She told me...I could tell. She claimed to have faked it with a lot of other people. Meanwhile I did it with her at least once a night. Usually before bed. That's real love.
Now i'll be moving onto a whore of a new woman called showersuzie. I heard she likes doing it standing up.
Until tomorrow maniacs. Lets rebuild and onwards we go no matter what!
Anyway that all starts tomorrow.
As for today sad news took place as my beloved bath was ripped out. Ever since I moved into the house in 1999 this bath has become a close friend. I had my first wonderful experience in it which has led to me repeating this act far too many times now...sometimes two or three times a day.
Plus it was a nice deep bath. It's now being replaced by a shower for practical reasons and if you know me well enough you'll understand. If you don't know me then just accept i'm getting a shower surely you wouldnt care for the reasons as you don't know me...oh yeah! In your face Mr. Stranger.
Anyway yeah that bath was lovely. It's loss will be felt a lot more than any other persons exit from my life. It provided me with unconditional love, sexy times, warmth, it was dependable, loyal, always there for me in the bad times and also importantly the good times. If the bath was a woman i'd have married it a long time ago and we'd be in a bath house with a load of mini baths. I used to call the bath bathlina. She was so sexy. With an ass that wouldnt quit.
(The pain of our final goodbye is evident. gut wrenching...true love)
But in the end our love was cut short. At least i know she won't be able to move on quickly from me...since she'll be a skip. Our love for each other will always be remembered.
Thank you bathlina.
Let's look at some pictures of her.
(what a body...what curves...what an ass)
The handrail is a new feature. The rest is all her. All woman. She was actually only 27 years old but she was very experienced. She'd had a lot of different people in her. But with me and her it was different. She told me...I could tell. She claimed to have faked it with a lot of other people. Meanwhile I did it with her at least once a night. Usually before bed. That's real love.
Now i'll be moving onto a whore of a new woman called showersuzie. I heard she likes doing it standing up.
Until tomorrow maniacs. Lets rebuild and onwards we go no matter what!
Sunday, 10 August 2008
The tears of a clown
Waking up this morning with that lovely feeling of an extreme hangover. Last night I pushed myself into absolutely twatted terriority. Usually i don't get mega drunk. I know a lot of people will be saying at this point "bullshit". But actually its true. I drink a lot and usually act like a raging fool. I'm never sober but am I completely gone into another planet? No usually not.
It's hard to really prove though due to the type of things I do. I may seem mega drunk whenever i'm out drinking but thats only because I have absolutely no shame. Hang around me whilst sober and you'll see the exact same clown doing the exact same thing. Want to see me with my pants down my ankles? Yeah thats fine just ask me.
But last night i was destroyed. It was mainly due to trying to down wine in time to get the 10pm train. Out came emotional David, loner David, drunk text David, idiotic David, Funny David, Random chat David...basically all the drunk personas in one night which wasn't particularly good at all.
In fact my sent items on my phone this morning is like a crime scene. If you walked into a bodily massacre in a room you'd turn around and throw up and never look in that room again. That is exactly what my sent items are. I fear looking into them again in a sober state.
However some things I stand by. I described the Blue Angel last night as spiritual. Which is absolutely spot on. The place has mystique, memories and it gives me free shots of sambuca. I'd call any place that does that spiritual as well as lovely. I was also wearing a dead mans shirt. Long story. But again I stand next to those drunk comments many people got.
I don't really know what else i texted to people i'm thinking it was a little angry, bitter and emotional. But when you're wondering around the blue angel dance floor it truly is a moving moment of dance, drink and your own cold sweat it makes your mind wander.
I got chatting to a bloke in the toliet for about half an hour about life. I havent a clue who he is but it was a damn nice chat. I can't remember anything else about the conversations i had except scaring 3 irish girls in the vip section and drinking propped up against a bar discussing politics with the barman who seemed interested in what i had to say. I don't really know what i actually said but fair play to him.
Now a working week ahead of me as well as a lot more dramas to contend with. I won't go into details with what exactly will go on but lets just say i'll be happy to get this week over with. The drunken antics of yesterday may make sense after what lies ahead.
At least i'm already flat on my back on the floor though...
Until next time fans keep the love, keep your alcopops fresh and keep looking at the stars...
It's hard to really prove though due to the type of things I do. I may seem mega drunk whenever i'm out drinking but thats only because I have absolutely no shame. Hang around me whilst sober and you'll see the exact same clown doing the exact same thing. Want to see me with my pants down my ankles? Yeah thats fine just ask me.
But last night i was destroyed. It was mainly due to trying to down wine in time to get the 10pm train. Out came emotional David, loner David, drunk text David, idiotic David, Funny David, Random chat David...basically all the drunk personas in one night which wasn't particularly good at all.
In fact my sent items on my phone this morning is like a crime scene. If you walked into a bodily massacre in a room you'd turn around and throw up and never look in that room again. That is exactly what my sent items are. I fear looking into them again in a sober state.
However some things I stand by. I described the Blue Angel last night as spiritual. Which is absolutely spot on. The place has mystique, memories and it gives me free shots of sambuca. I'd call any place that does that spiritual as well as lovely. I was also wearing a dead mans shirt. Long story. But again I stand next to those drunk comments many people got.
I don't really know what else i texted to people i'm thinking it was a little angry, bitter and emotional. But when you're wondering around the blue angel dance floor it truly is a moving moment of dance, drink and your own cold sweat it makes your mind wander.
I got chatting to a bloke in the toliet for about half an hour about life. I havent a clue who he is but it was a damn nice chat. I can't remember anything else about the conversations i had except scaring 3 irish girls in the vip section and drinking propped up against a bar discussing politics with the barman who seemed interested in what i had to say. I don't really know what i actually said but fair play to him.
Now a working week ahead of me as well as a lot more dramas to contend with. I won't go into details with what exactly will go on but lets just say i'll be happy to get this week over with. The drunken antics of yesterday may make sense after what lies ahead.
At least i'm already flat on my back on the floor though...
Until next time fans keep the love, keep your alcopops fresh and keep looking at the stars...
Saturday, 9 August 2008
The Rules for living a Roonteresting Way
People always ask me "David how do you live your life. I want to live my life like you as you're so bloody amazing. How do you do it? ". I always give them the same ten point plan I do anyone wanting roonlightenment.
Here it is. Follow these rules and you won't neccessarily have a happy life nor a successful one. But you'll have many good times...
1) Have no shame.
A hard one for many people to grasp. Shame is what keeps us from accomplishing many things and having fun in life. It stops you talking to the mega hot girl who is about as far out your league as humanly possible. It stops you from video recording yourself asking Quentin Tarrantino if he supports Middlesborough. It stops you from tripping over every lamp post and looking a prized twat just for the chuckles of your companions. Why do people get so scared about being laughed at by people? You won't see these people again. You could be dead tomorrow! Life is too short to be an uptight arse. Go running down the road with your pants down your ankles and feel the thrill of life on your ball sack.
2) Be a Clown
Ah the role of a clown. This goes hands in hand with the shame aspect. You have to have no shame in order to be the clown. Every society or social group has a clown figure in it. The role of a clown is an individual desperately seeking social acceptance and wanting to be the centre of attention. I guess the first point is how i became the clown. The second part is still true even now. Some people are the leader in the group, some are the clever ones, some are the athletic ones, some are the womanising ladies men...i'm the clown. No matter where you are the clown will usually attempt something stupid. He can be infuriating at times but at other times a life savior. I've tried to have another role. But my clownness comes straight from my Dad. It's a genetic fact. I am the clown.
Yesterday in work someone asked me how i deal with the the bad times in my life quite so well. I advised her on the humour as self defence mechanism I use before she replied "Ah the tears of a clown...". I chuckled at it. I think it means basically I'll keep laughing until I turn away from the audience and the one solitary tear falls down my face...i found that quite amusing.
3) Never show emotion. Surpress all bodily feelings.
Ooh the controversial final point in todays class this one is going to get the thousands debating...or hundreds...okay it'll get will talking. I've done the whole emotional business back in 2002 and 2003 as I attempted to reinvent myself from the clowning persona after the first taste of personal tragedy...it didn't work. In fact it led to the birth of "Year 12 David". The sad, depressed, loner who would rather walk in the rain listening to U2 with or without you than sit joking with the companions. What does emotion bring? Nothing. You accomplish nothing by showing your emotions. In fact it's a sign of weakness your enemies can use against you...well okay thats a bit over the top but still it doesn't accomplish anything. Whatever has made you sad in the first place is still there even if you discuss, contemplate, pain over it for 72 hours with some poor soul who just happened to ask how you were. Plus once you open the door of emotion it keeps pouring out of you sucking you into depressed coma world.
If you don't show emotion you don't get burnt or hurt. My advice is shut up and play the mysterious clown card. People might never get to understand you but enough penis jokes should make them not care about that!
Next time i'll discuss points 4-7. If you follow the first three however you're well on the road to become the emotionally stunted but hilariously funny RoonMeister apprentice.
Here it is. Follow these rules and you won't neccessarily have a happy life nor a successful one. But you'll have many good times...
1) Have no shame.
A hard one for many people to grasp. Shame is what keeps us from accomplishing many things and having fun in life. It stops you talking to the mega hot girl who is about as far out your league as humanly possible. It stops you from video recording yourself asking Quentin Tarrantino if he supports Middlesborough. It stops you from tripping over every lamp post and looking a prized twat just for the chuckles of your companions. Why do people get so scared about being laughed at by people? You won't see these people again. You could be dead tomorrow! Life is too short to be an uptight arse. Go running down the road with your pants down your ankles and feel the thrill of life on your ball sack.
2) Be a Clown
Ah the role of a clown. This goes hands in hand with the shame aspect. You have to have no shame in order to be the clown. Every society or social group has a clown figure in it. The role of a clown is an individual desperately seeking social acceptance and wanting to be the centre of attention. I guess the first point is how i became the clown. The second part is still true even now. Some people are the leader in the group, some are the clever ones, some are the athletic ones, some are the womanising ladies men...i'm the clown. No matter where you are the clown will usually attempt something stupid. He can be infuriating at times but at other times a life savior. I've tried to have another role. But my clownness comes straight from my Dad. It's a genetic fact. I am the clown.
Yesterday in work someone asked me how i deal with the the bad times in my life quite so well. I advised her on the humour as self defence mechanism I use before she replied "Ah the tears of a clown...". I chuckled at it. I think it means basically I'll keep laughing until I turn away from the audience and the one solitary tear falls down my face...i found that quite amusing.
3) Never show emotion. Surpress all bodily feelings.
Ooh the controversial final point in todays class this one is going to get the thousands debating...or hundreds...okay it'll get will talking. I've done the whole emotional business back in 2002 and 2003 as I attempted to reinvent myself from the clowning persona after the first taste of personal tragedy...it didn't work. In fact it led to the birth of "Year 12 David". The sad, depressed, loner who would rather walk in the rain listening to U2 with or without you than sit joking with the companions. What does emotion bring? Nothing. You accomplish nothing by showing your emotions. In fact it's a sign of weakness your enemies can use against you...well okay thats a bit over the top but still it doesn't accomplish anything. Whatever has made you sad in the first place is still there even if you discuss, contemplate, pain over it for 72 hours with some poor soul who just happened to ask how you were. Plus once you open the door of emotion it keeps pouring out of you sucking you into depressed coma world.
If you don't show emotion you don't get burnt or hurt. My advice is shut up and play the mysterious clown card. People might never get to understand you but enough penis jokes should make them not care about that!
Next time i'll discuss points 4-7. If you follow the first three however you're well on the road to become the emotionally stunted but hilariously funny RoonMeister apprentice.
Thursday, 7 August 2008
How did I get here?
One has to question how i ended up in this strange alien world that I find myself in. It appears 2008 is about as messed up and screwed up as can be. Every day I kid myself its 2007 but every time he walks up the stairs it reminds me its 2008 and i'm trapped right in the middle of it...
There. Greetings once more rooney maniacs. Your more than welcome to that rather bizarre opening message. I personally love being cryptic to people who read this website. Especially considering its about 2 or 3 who don't care. But in my little head it's lots of interested people numbering about 7 or 8...cryptic messages let me express myself whilst not becoming camp or dale winton like.
Back to today anyway. Here i am at 10:07pm watching the rather poor mission impossible 2. I've been in town tonight and drank half a bottle of wine but managed to somehow go home and be well behaved for once. Even though i had the excuse of being in work late tomorrow. Instead what i'll end up doing is going to bed early and waking up late just in time to head back into work...which to report is not so bad now its quieter after deadline day.
Obviously due to the fact its thursday its now time to report my locations for the weekend ahead. Being mega cool and lovely people like to come out with me because they know they'll be entertained by the excellent RoonMeister.
This saturday you'll see me in town:
Saturday9th August- Blue Angel 10pm onwards.
Tickets are still available for this shindig. You must be prepared to be mega drunk and have lots of camp fun. If you're interested text me or email Davidhaslotsofdrunkenfunandiwouldliketohavehischildren@rooney.tv
Until then
Sexy fun and good times
There. Greetings once more rooney maniacs. Your more than welcome to that rather bizarre opening message. I personally love being cryptic to people who read this website. Especially considering its about 2 or 3 who don't care. But in my little head it's lots of interested people numbering about 7 or 8...cryptic messages let me express myself whilst not becoming camp or dale winton like.
Back to today anyway. Here i am at 10:07pm watching the rather poor mission impossible 2. I've been in town tonight and drank half a bottle of wine but managed to somehow go home and be well behaved for once. Even though i had the excuse of being in work late tomorrow. Instead what i'll end up doing is going to bed early and waking up late just in time to head back into work...which to report is not so bad now its quieter after deadline day.
Obviously due to the fact its thursday its now time to report my locations for the weekend ahead. Being mega cool and lovely people like to come out with me because they know they'll be entertained by the excellent RoonMeister.
This saturday you'll see me in town:
Saturday9th August- Blue Angel 10pm onwards.
Tickets are still available for this shindig. You must be prepared to be mega drunk and have lots of camp fun. If you're interested text me or email Davidhaslotsofdrunkenfunandiwouldliketohavehischildren@rooney.tv
Until then
Sexy fun and good times
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
22 turning 23
It isn't long now until I turn the awful and dreaded age of 23. This is when things officially get screwed up. 23 is old...too old for my liking. The excuses for my mistakes being blamed on my age and immaturity will have to be changed. 23 is no longer young. What do I blame for my screw ups once october 7th changes? Maybe I will have to start facing the fact i screw up because i am actually screwed up. That's not a good prospect.
My mum and dad married at 24. That's a year away. Now obviously things have changed since the 1970's. The average age to get married is now in the late 20's the last time i checked. Which can only be a good thing.
It does however reflect badly on society as a whole right now. The break down of the ideals our mother and fathers strove for back in the day. You know what i mean. The whole education, get a good job, married to a girl, kids at 30, wife leaves work and looks after the kids, retirement at 60, die at 80 plan.
Now in the 21st century the plan for most people has become screwed and tainted. It's now socially acceptable to be messing around with your career, boozing, sleeping around with every girl or boy (theres plenty of them girls...screwing a guy within a week of them won't make them love you or you love yourself) who's interested in a bit of ' lol' well up until you're in your late 20's and early 30's.
How did the centuries old original plan get shot down quite so dramatically?
Probably the day the modern family roles began to break down in the 1970's and 1980's. Blame the hippies for the breakdown of society. I blame them those weed smoking fools if only they knew what they causing...Sexual equality probably caused the problems we are all faced with now. Yes women being treated as equals in the work place with same rate of pay is all very good. But with dominant women now working 9-5 the question is;where are the mothers? Now i'm probably very well going to get blasted with the age old aggressive feminine bitch slap of:
"why can't the men be the ones to stay at home and look after the kids"
Well yeah i'd be in favour of. As long as men could get 1 year paternity leave too if it was decided it would be the man to stay at home and look after the kids. As long as there's someone with the kids at home it's got to be better than what we have now. Divorce rates sky high because the wife and husband never see each other, their lives focused around working before heading home for 6 hours each night. Angry at the sight of one another knowing the amount of house work/kid time they have to participate in. Suddenly seeing their partner becomes a chore. It represents hard work.
If you decide to have kids and have that huge responsibility you've got to realise that the babysitter culture doesnt work. Someone has to make the sacrifice and put in the time. It's not a case of a couple of strong words later down the line will make the kid a better person. Time and effort needs to be spent.
It's the people who mould a generation. Which is why we're here now. Unfortunately that can't be my excuse since my mum stayed home with me growing up...but hell i'm not talking about individual people here i'm talking about a generation of people. I'm talking about the world we all live in right now.
People aren't prepared to give relationships a go. Everyone still lives by the magical ideals. Yet the world has changed. We live by the romantic love ideals of yesteryear. When the world was a better place. How can you say you don't spend enough time with your husband and blame that for the breakdown of your marriage then you're the one doing all the bullshit overtime in work...Now we're left with people giving bullshit pointless reasons for relationship breakdowns
"it doesnt feel the same"
"the magic isn't there/the spark isnt"
People try to base their romantic relationships on the perfect ideals of yesteryear. Unfortunately the world is no longer perfect. The game has changed so the rules must change/ People need to realise this. Surely everyone has had enough experience to now be able to see this for themselves? Most people accept the world is shit so why till keep the same romantic bullshit ideals for love?
Most people see relationships as their favourite song. You know you can listen to it 100 times and still love it but its inevitable you'll eventually get bored. So what do you do? Well now days most people go for something a little different. How about swapping genre from pop to rock? Or maybe from a white man to a black guy? Or maybe throw a bit of rnb in there. Or in the relationship world go from a geek to sporty athletic guy. It's so easy to experiment now!
Of course you're going to get bored in love if you spend all your time with someone. The big thing is to accept this boredom and think to yourself 'well this guy/girl treats me good, i'm happy with them'. That doesn't happen anymore and thats the bloody problem with society now. We're in a "i don't like this as much let's try something new' rather than the whole 'make do and mend' philosophy. Why do people expect better?
Maybe i'm incorrect in thinking this. Maybe this liberation is good for society and people. Maybe its good that everyone strives for 'perfection' in their love life. But i think it's a cursed change. As the moral of the story is perfection doesn't exist on this world. Maybe people throw away the best they can get in search of this fools gold.
Perhaps its been caused because it's so easy to get someone else? Why get tied down then you can go to any night club in town and pull a replacement so easily? The whole society is pretty damn dirty place, the gary glitter of generations. Any girl can go out and pull a guy. ANY girl. Even a girl with a face like a dog can go out and get sex with any guy out there because of the fact
1) Guys are desperate
2) Guys like girls who are desperate too.
It never used to be like that. Girls would marry their high school sweet hearts and wouldnt lower themselves to sleeping around. Whilst guys wouldnt sleep around as much because...well guys tried to sleep around just as much but would get knocked back...
In the end of the day whilst guys and girls like to swap their relationships around fairly quickly it's quite easy for everyone to go get a new one. In the end of the day we are all playing musical chairs in love. It seems we suffer from numb bum sitting in the same chair too long. We keep swapping, as in the end of the day society is still desperate for love and keeps searching for that "perfect" chair.
If they see a comfortable sofa meanwhile, no matter who that person is they'll perch their arse down and enjoy the sensations...before the numb buttock feeling returns. So continues the game. A society that doesn't want to be tied down but a society that is still eternally desperate for affection and cannot bear to still be standing then the music of life stops.
I don't really know what i've accomplished from this entry. Basically it sounds very negative about love which isn't neccessarily true. It's what life is all about i suppose. But in the end i think we should all realise how society in the 21st century has changed the rules of love dramatically what with our swap and change nature...but yet man and womans urge for fulfillment remains the same as always.
Maybe the old fashioned romantics are the extinct ones now.
My mum and dad married at 24. That's a year away. Now obviously things have changed since the 1970's. The average age to get married is now in the late 20's the last time i checked. Which can only be a good thing.
It does however reflect badly on society as a whole right now. The break down of the ideals our mother and fathers strove for back in the day. You know what i mean. The whole education, get a good job, married to a girl, kids at 30, wife leaves work and looks after the kids, retirement at 60, die at 80 plan.
Now in the 21st century the plan for most people has become screwed and tainted. It's now socially acceptable to be messing around with your career, boozing, sleeping around with every girl or boy (theres plenty of them girls...screwing a guy within a week of them won't make them love you or you love yourself) who's interested in a bit of ' lol' well up until you're in your late 20's and early 30's.
How did the centuries old original plan get shot down quite so dramatically?
Probably the day the modern family roles began to break down in the 1970's and 1980's. Blame the hippies for the breakdown of society. I blame them those weed smoking fools if only they knew what they causing...Sexual equality probably caused the problems we are all faced with now. Yes women being treated as equals in the work place with same rate of pay is all very good. But with dominant women now working 9-5 the question is;where are the mothers? Now i'm probably very well going to get blasted with the age old aggressive feminine bitch slap of:
"why can't the men be the ones to stay at home and look after the kids"
Well yeah i'd be in favour of. As long as men could get 1 year paternity leave too if it was decided it would be the man to stay at home and look after the kids. As long as there's someone with the kids at home it's got to be better than what we have now. Divorce rates sky high because the wife and husband never see each other, their lives focused around working before heading home for 6 hours each night. Angry at the sight of one another knowing the amount of house work/kid time they have to participate in. Suddenly seeing their partner becomes a chore. It represents hard work.
If you decide to have kids and have that huge responsibility you've got to realise that the babysitter culture doesnt work. Someone has to make the sacrifice and put in the time. It's not a case of a couple of strong words later down the line will make the kid a better person. Time and effort needs to be spent.
It's the people who mould a generation. Which is why we're here now. Unfortunately that can't be my excuse since my mum stayed home with me growing up...but hell i'm not talking about individual people here i'm talking about a generation of people. I'm talking about the world we all live in right now.
People aren't prepared to give relationships a go. Everyone still lives by the magical ideals. Yet the world has changed. We live by the romantic love ideals of yesteryear. When the world was a better place. How can you say you don't spend enough time with your husband and blame that for the breakdown of your marriage then you're the one doing all the bullshit overtime in work...Now we're left with people giving bullshit pointless reasons for relationship breakdowns
"it doesnt feel the same"
"the magic isn't there/the spark isnt"
People try to base their romantic relationships on the perfect ideals of yesteryear. Unfortunately the world is no longer perfect. The game has changed so the rules must change/ People need to realise this. Surely everyone has had enough experience to now be able to see this for themselves? Most people accept the world is shit so why till keep the same romantic bullshit ideals for love?
Most people see relationships as their favourite song. You know you can listen to it 100 times and still love it but its inevitable you'll eventually get bored. So what do you do? Well now days most people go for something a little different. How about swapping genre from pop to rock? Or maybe from a white man to a black guy? Or maybe throw a bit of rnb in there. Or in the relationship world go from a geek to sporty athletic guy. It's so easy to experiment now!
Of course you're going to get bored in love if you spend all your time with someone. The big thing is to accept this boredom and think to yourself 'well this guy/girl treats me good, i'm happy with them'. That doesn't happen anymore and thats the bloody problem with society now. We're in a "i don't like this as much let's try something new' rather than the whole 'make do and mend' philosophy. Why do people expect better?
Maybe i'm incorrect in thinking this. Maybe this liberation is good for society and people. Maybe its good that everyone strives for 'perfection' in their love life. But i think it's a cursed change. As the moral of the story is perfection doesn't exist on this world. Maybe people throw away the best they can get in search of this fools gold.
Perhaps its been caused because it's so easy to get someone else? Why get tied down then you can go to any night club in town and pull a replacement so easily? The whole society is pretty damn dirty place, the gary glitter of generations. Any girl can go out and pull a guy. ANY girl. Even a girl with a face like a dog can go out and get sex with any guy out there because of the fact
1) Guys are desperate
2) Guys like girls who are desperate too.
It never used to be like that. Girls would marry their high school sweet hearts and wouldnt lower themselves to sleeping around. Whilst guys wouldnt sleep around as much because...well guys tried to sleep around just as much but would get knocked back...
In the end of the day whilst guys and girls like to swap their relationships around fairly quickly it's quite easy for everyone to go get a new one. In the end of the day we are all playing musical chairs in love. It seems we suffer from numb bum sitting in the same chair too long. We keep swapping, as in the end of the day society is still desperate for love and keeps searching for that "perfect" chair.
If they see a comfortable sofa meanwhile, no matter who that person is they'll perch their arse down and enjoy the sensations...before the numb buttock feeling returns. So continues the game. A society that doesn't want to be tied down but a society that is still eternally desperate for affection and cannot bear to still be standing then the music of life stops.
I don't really know what i've accomplished from this entry. Basically it sounds very negative about love which isn't neccessarily true. It's what life is all about i suppose. But in the end i think we should all realise how society in the 21st century has changed the rules of love dramatically what with our swap and change nature...but yet man and womans urge for fulfillment remains the same as always.
Maybe the old fashioned romantics are the extinct ones now.
The fall is complete
August is here and the fall of one man has been completed in 219 days.
Now he must be rebuilt.
Now he must be rebuilt.
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
Calming the storm
A pretty wild and hectic weekend for yours truly has finally ended. I'm now off today and tomorrow so it's good times ahead and hopefully i can enjoy a rest and a lot of sleep after the shenanigans of friday and saturday night.
It was quite possibly the busiest weekend of the year for the number of social events I had. Town night on the friday and deegans party on saturday. Unfortunately for me I had to work both saturday and sunday. The busiest weekend of drinking was saddled with the one weekend i have to work in 8 weeks. Bad times.
But obviously this didnt stop me. It really should have but i'm not a quitter.
Friday I was out with the asda gang. This included being outside mcdonalds opposite my work at 3:30am thinking to myself how screwed I was with less than 4 and a half hours till i'm meant to be in work.
I survived. Barely. Thank god for the fact i had agreed to get a taxi with sarah that day. It meant i didnt need to walk to work with a massive hangover. Actually that would be a lie. I didnt have a hangover really just the feeling i was going to pass out with exhaustion. My mood changed to that of crazed hyperness later on in work. Maybe it was the lack of sleep causing me to go insane or the alcopops running through my bloodstream still.
Home for 2 hours I grabbed a quick hours sleep before i was out again to deegans. What a party. Fine food, fat frogs in a FOUNTAIN and a fine sexual bouncy castle. Plus I had Blanks pro plus meant i was on fine form. Or should that be drunken embarrassment. Yes for some reason I got very drunk even though I only had a few fat frogs and a bottle of wine. Or is that a lot to drink? Whatever it is it meant I had the rather funny moment where I ran towards the bouncy castle, which had ken and pete on it, with my pants down to my ankles as siobhan recorded it from a distance.
Unfortunately I learnt that trying to jump with pants down to the ankles doesnt work. I just collapsed on the bouncy castle with my arse sticking in the air and a horrified look from pete plus a very non impressed look from Ken. Sorry ken...also sorry for sending you that disgusting picture of the toliet in my work. (long story best not told)
Back into work sunday with time with a bit of a hangover and my body literally breaking down on the back of another 3 hour sleep. This meant a 7 hour sleep in 60 hours. Getting home from work sunday was a spiritual and sexual experience. I simply ate and went straight to bed not waking up until 7am Monday. Thankfully my internal body clock woke me up then as i had gone to bed simply for a nap and had not set my alarm clock.
Waking up still dressed, with the windows open, my tv and computer on and realising you have to get dressed and out the house within 5 minutes as its actually time for work and not time to watch crappy sunday night tv was quite a little shock to the system...but i did it. Thank god for steph giving me a lift otherwise i might not have made the final hurdle in my weekend.
It was a triumph and celebration.
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.
But i came out the experience...a man.
It was quite possibly the busiest weekend of the year for the number of social events I had. Town night on the friday and deegans party on saturday. Unfortunately for me I had to work both saturday and sunday. The busiest weekend of drinking was saddled with the one weekend i have to work in 8 weeks. Bad times.
But obviously this didnt stop me. It really should have but i'm not a quitter.
Friday I was out with the asda gang. This included being outside mcdonalds opposite my work at 3:30am thinking to myself how screwed I was with less than 4 and a half hours till i'm meant to be in work.
I survived. Barely. Thank god for the fact i had agreed to get a taxi with sarah that day. It meant i didnt need to walk to work with a massive hangover. Actually that would be a lie. I didnt have a hangover really just the feeling i was going to pass out with exhaustion. My mood changed to that of crazed hyperness later on in work. Maybe it was the lack of sleep causing me to go insane or the alcopops running through my bloodstream still.
Home for 2 hours I grabbed a quick hours sleep before i was out again to deegans. What a party. Fine food, fat frogs in a FOUNTAIN and a fine sexual bouncy castle. Plus I had Blanks pro plus meant i was on fine form. Or should that be drunken embarrassment. Yes for some reason I got very drunk even though I only had a few fat frogs and a bottle of wine. Or is that a lot to drink? Whatever it is it meant I had the rather funny moment where I ran towards the bouncy castle, which had ken and pete on it, with my pants down to my ankles as siobhan recorded it from a distance.
Unfortunately I learnt that trying to jump with pants down to the ankles doesnt work. I just collapsed on the bouncy castle with my arse sticking in the air and a horrified look from pete plus a very non impressed look from Ken. Sorry ken...also sorry for sending you that disgusting picture of the toliet in my work. (long story best not told)
Back into work sunday with time with a bit of a hangover and my body literally breaking down on the back of another 3 hour sleep. This meant a 7 hour sleep in 60 hours. Getting home from work sunday was a spiritual and sexual experience. I simply ate and went straight to bed not waking up until 7am Monday. Thankfully my internal body clock woke me up then as i had gone to bed simply for a nap and had not set my alarm clock.
Waking up still dressed, with the windows open, my tv and computer on and realising you have to get dressed and out the house within 5 minutes as its actually time for work and not time to watch crappy sunday night tv was quite a little shock to the system...but i did it. Thank god for steph giving me a lift otherwise i might not have made the final hurdle in my weekend.
It was a triumph and celebration.
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.
But i came out the experience...a man.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
