Howdy fans after my return from Zante. I'm typing this from the
doctors which I believe says all it needs to be said about the holiday.

Just kidding. Nope nothing that bad at all it just seems I have a case
of man flu that my poor body couldn't deal with after having been
abused for 2 weeks. It meant my long awaited return into the arms of
my emotional and Rooney depreived work collegues will have to wait
till tomorrow.

I love the doctors. At this time in the day you get a collection of
old people who all think they're dreadfully unwell then in fact all
that their problem is, to be brutally harsh, is that they're old.
Bodies break down.

You also get old people who bring their grand kids and can't control
them. As seen by a hilarious old couple in front of me.

(annoying kid is pushing a fire engine right infront of the door to
the doctors)
Old woman: no tom come over here you're in the way
Little boy: no it's fine
Old man: no you're in the way. You'll get hurt
Little boy: no
Old man: tom come and see what I have on my camera
( sounds dodgy. Little boy no sells it)
Old woman: yes tom check out the pictures
(little annoying boy carries on playing bashing into my foot)
Old woman: okay play over there but just for one minute

Well done! You won that round with the child didn't you. That'll show
him. God almighty. Yes I hate waiting for the doctors. People who
shouldn't be here, old people with nothing to do and bratty little kids.

I wouldn't mind if there were a few eople who looked genuinely sick or
some well behaved children sat quietly with a book or something, like
I used to be. Instead you get old women angry at the world for the
sheer fact they're old a and little kids who appear to be on some sort
of abusive substance to be that hyper.

I was going to try and start my Zante review entry now but i could be
called in at any time (appears very doubtful due to the size of this
queue- oh good another old woman looking angry and anxious)

So instead I'll review Zante with some keywords before I get around to
the main article

- getting kicked up the arse by hotel security
- drinking with a tranny karaoke bar singer
- cockney guys getting into anything and anyone and being 'cock sure'.
- holding onto the back of a scooter at 6.30 in the morning
- break dancing in front of a booing crowd of people
- winning a bar game of being the guy with the most pegs by
introducing another pack of pegs bought from a nearby shop which in
theory killed the entire game

Ah good the old man has now given the kid his digital camera.
Brilliant. So now after all this time the hunter has become the
hunted. The kid was promised one picture only and is now whining 'one
more' instead of his cheek being punished as it should to avoid a life
of potential crime everyone in the waiting room is saying 'aww'.
They'll be the first ones to cry.

Bet I won't even be given any bloody antibiotics either.

What am I doing here

So here I am sat at the station waiting for my train at 7.15am to head
into work to do overtime on a Saturday. I know it's sick isn't it. I
never thought I'd stoop this low in life and sacrifice a Saturday
morning in bed.

But at 12 quid an hour I'd be anyones whore.

Plus this isn't a normal Saturday as I mentioned tomorrow I go on
holiday for 2 weeks. Any ordinary saturday and I'd still be in that
bed I can assure you. You need a minimum of two days away from work or
suddenly the cheerful happy go lucky David people meet in work would
suddenly become the David who walks around bitter and angry, as much
as one can look angry when you have the walk I have or happy strut as
I like to call it.

Today Myers from work was also coming in to do overtime with me but I
got a text at 7am saying he was going to stay in as he couldn't be
"bothered". That was basically meaning that "I woke up and couldn't
believe I was gettig up on a Saturday and I'm still so bloody tired".
I don't blame him. So now I'm on my lonesome.

Tonight I need to go to bed as late as possible in order for me to
wake up as late as possible. Flight is 12.45 Monday morning so it'll
be a long night up. If I wake up at 3pm sunday it should help a lot.
As long as no sodding gardeners wake me up again. You have all week to
cut the tree of my unemployed neighbour. Why do it at 8am on the
weekend? And why speak so loudly too? It's so unbelievable selfish. Am
I not normal? Well I'm blogging on a Saturday morning on a train about
nothing so yes I'm not normal but am I not normal about considering
doing loud gardening so early on a weekend a total disgrace. They also
spoke loudly and laughed.

"so Barry couldn't get back up...."
(both laugh loudly)

So selfish. Dreadful and awful human beings.

So here I am heading to work. How bizarre. Next thing you'll tell me
is I'm a success at life. Do I stay till 4pm or go earlier and attempt
not to leave all my packing to my mum when I'm aged 23. But to be fair
she does seem to like it...

I suppose I better go now before I get caught with no signal to send
in the tunnel. I'll send out one more entry later on I think.

Oh and just to leave you with something to ponder. Don't you hate
those people who you imagine must be a woman by their voice but look
manish and wear man clothes? They're either incredibly camp or a
woman. Add to the equation tiredness on a Saturday morning whilst my
body is stunned at me bein up nothing is functioning. Still hard work
to work the person next to me out.

I'd take a picture and put it on here of the person but I'd probably
be arrested...

See you later

Roonmeister
Sent from my iPhone

Welcome to another fiesty edition of my boring and rather predictable
blog. Or as I like to call it 'journal of manliness'.

Today you join me on my rather rivetting train and armed with my
iPhone (yes I sold out/go on the internet even then out) I'm bashing
something out to you. All I know is I have to email it to blogger
which they then claim they'll put up for me. So lets see if this works.

If it does it'll mean a lot of morning and afternoon train ride
entries where I attempt to keep awake by writing general rubbish about
the people around me. So if you like creepy meaningless crap you may
be happy.

Except this time I ran out of time on the train to write anything and
now I'm having to write it whilst walking. I predict a potential car
related injury.

On Sunday I'm heading off to sunny Zante for two whole weeks and have
collected my final load of euros. People gasp whenever I say I'm
taking 1200 quid. The question is will that be enough for what I have
planned? Mega Shenanigans.

Eddie told me the other day that he was worried for his health. I
tried to tell him that the dog that chased us half a mile into a
German bar in gran canaria wouldn't be in Zante. I guess I was missing
the point he was making. On the last two holidays I've been on i've

Been robbed by a prostitute
Chased by dog half a mile
Sang the Nazi version of the German national anthem by mistake... In a
German bar
Been abducted by a taxi driver
Oh and the whole urination incident...

I'm sure I'll come back with more amusing tales from this one to keep
my rooneymaniacs. Including pictures of me and my (funny or really gay
whatever you see it as) t shirt which says roonmeister on. I smell the
chance to make a complete tit of myself by pointing loudly at my name
and screaming stolen catchphases.

Fun.

I thought I'd learnt to type quick on this thing but I've been typing
on the train and now am nearly home. I'll leave you with a question.

Today was my last day in work for 2 and a half weeks. But overtime is
available tomorrow. 100 quid for a day. It would come in handy. But
what will I feel when my alarm goes off at 7am. We shall find out...

If I manage it expect an update before I depart. If I don't then I
shall speak to you all upon my return...

Best wishes,

The rooney

P.s whoever that was playing Rihanna on their headphones on the train
it was way too loud and loads of people were discussing it. Heads up
for next time.

P.p.s good album mind...

Sent from my iPhone

What angers me

A lot of people wonder if i'm ever angry and bitter. A lot of people wonder if i'm ever not angry or bitter. So to educate people a lot more about how I tick here is a complete list of things that anger me/frustrate me.

- Early trains

There's no need in them. Why can't the train just wait in the station the 2 minutes needed. It's due to the driver being selfish and wanting to get home for dinner earlier. Bitter.

- People who walk too slow/walk too fast

You're walking at a quick pace down the pavement. Suddenly you see someone coming down your rear (ooh ducky) and moving to the side in order to overtake you. I find this incredibly pathetic and irritating. Yes we hate people who walk slow and get in our way. But i'm walking at a quick pace and yet people still try to overtake. Why? To make themselves feel better? For superiority? It's almost as bad as the ultra bitter pavement walker. This person approaches you unneccessarily quick and then jogs past you before slowing down once they pass you. This person needs to be eliminated.

- Monday mornings.

Yes a token entry. Whilst a lot of people wake up angry that they have a week ahead of them i just wake up with a feeling of anger and regret. Anger that i have to get up. Regret that i didnt appreciate being off and lying more in my bed the day before.

- People on benefits

"If i work less hours do i get more money? No point working more hours if i can just get more money for not doing anything". Quote. Do i need to say anymore.

- Stupid hats

Scally boys who wear stupid hats in the height of summer. The worst offending hat i have come across is the bobble hat. I give you this dreadful cancer.


I saw someone wearing this hat the other day during the recent 'heatwave'. It had to be around 90 and yet here was this dickhead getting out of some manual labour van with shorts and a t shirt on and this cancerous hat. He started strutting down the road. You knew he'd be at the pub shortly with barry the job seeker allowance mate and his drug dealing friend Jason 'i only give the drugs to 'me' mates so it don't count as a drug dealer' Brown (i made the name up). I looked up at the hat wearing idiot and thought to myself not to assume he would be a lower class scal. So i looked at his face. Ah yes inbred looking face. Bullmastiff dog shaped features. Yes another scally. Hurrah.

- Scallies

See above for more anger. Pointless people with horrible accents who bring nothing to society at all except...Yeah can't think of anything. Subhuman and inbreds.


Scally playing football in park before he meets his friends at bus stop for drinks.

- People who cut lines into their eyebrows

You know this 'craze' started because some idiot was trying to cut his unibrow and accidentally cut into his eyebrow. He went into school the next day and got laughed at and suddenly he convinced everyone it was intentional. So begins a craze. I don't see the attraction. At all.

- The wonder bar

Yeah its closed down so you might ask why its on the list of things that anger me. The fact is i was FORCED to go to this shit hole for many, many years with the rest of my school year whenever we finished exams/got exam results/etc. Now looking back I should have grown a set of balls and just gone off on my own. I would have had more fun doing shots of tequila with the local tramp with the cardboard guitar. But the fact of the matter is i didn't. I sat in this shit hole. I listened to the awful music. I saw the dreadful drug induced wasters bouncing up and down. I even went to the toilet and saw a blowjob going on next to a urinal. I didn't pee that night.

- People who hate things because everyone hates it but they don't actually have any reaons behind it.

"i'm proper glad Newcastle got relegated"
"Why?"
"they think they're a big club"
"They're the only club in their city. They have a huge stadium. They've spent loads of money in the last ten years. They're the sixth most successful club in the history of english football. Shoudnt they consider themselves a biggish club? Is there anything wrong in doing so. Surely its better than being a pointless little club who attempts to finish 17th every season"
"still hate them"
"why?"
"they think they're a big club"
"........."

Ah yes the popular reaction to hate Newcastle United. No one really knows why but Jimmy from 'da streets' hated them and he passed this hatred into his local pub the croc. This was passed on. So everyone hated them but no one actually knew why. Oh except for the whole 'they think they're a big club' bullshit. Which is an argument which could be ripped apart more than a...i wanted to say wet paper bag but thats incredibly unoriginal. Like this argument.

This isn't just about Newcastle. This could be used against all those cliche things people hate. Rainy days, ITV, alcopops, Ibiza...stop hating things to be popular and be original and get your own anger and your own personal issues.

Like me.
- Drink prices going up.

Well done Chancellor! Pubs are going out of business because drinks are too expensive and people are preferring to go to supermarkets to buy cheaper alcohol to drink inside. What does the chancellor do? Well to raise more funds to tackle unemployment and the effects of the 'credit crunch' he raises the tax on alcohol. Which in turn makes drinks more expensive. Which in turn stops more people going the pub. Which in turn pushes more pubs out of business. Which in turn pushes more people into unemployment. Which in turn pushes people into benefits.

..............

It's the stupidest cycle ever and it will continue in a few months then the chancellor announces he needs to raise more taxes on petrol and alcohol to pay for the unemployed.

Oh and by the way the house of commons bar prices haven't gone up in over 10 years. I wonder if WKD blue is still £1.85 over there. Bet it is.
- Credit crunch

Doesn't exist. If i see more people saying that word I will scream. Its a recession. It happens a lot. We're not all going to die. It happened in the 90's. It happened in the 70's. It will end. It will happen again. It's nothing like the wall street crash of 1929. If it was you would fucking know about it. (i swore to make my point more)

- Medical experts

You're drinking too much. You're eating too much. The temperature of the planet is going up. Potatos give you cancer. You're not eating another fruit. By the way fruit gives you cancer. I'm fed up of 'medical experts' continously coming up with some golden nugget of helpful pissy advice whenever something comes into the news.

I remember the last one was about the chancellor putting up the drink tax and the medical experts or the anti drink campaigners were allegedly 'celebrating wildly' in the bbc article i read. How can you celebrate wildly without drink first of all?

Second of all i found a good youtube video the other day (yeah i'm sad and i don't have a life) where a medical expert is quizzed on the weekly units of alcohol figures that were realsed. We were told we could have like 18 units a week? Which comes to about 1 vodka and coke. Even breathing for a week puts you over 18 units a week. When quizzed how they came to the figure of 18 units the medical expert squirmed and mentioned 'research into alcohol related illness' before finally admitting he and his experts came to a rounded number. Which basically means they're guessing.

Do you ever think medical experts are the biggest kill joys ever. I personally don't want to know eating a carrot is going to give me cancer. I've been eating them a while now it won't really make a difference if true. Do you think they go home at night and violate themselves at the idea of spoiling everyones fun? Or just sit on their sofas crying that they 'celebrate wildly' over taxes going up.

This is a medical expert. He celebrates wildly whenever taxes go up. He doesn't like you going out or being happy. He doesn't like fruit of vegetables as they possibly give cancer. He doesnt like nylon shirts either as they could give tumors. He lives a miserable existence.

Who knows.

- Dvd prices

£12 quid for a dvd? Something i'll watch 3 times my whole life. Are you mental?

- Cinema prices

£5 for a movie? See above. Are you mental?

- People who always choose good times on fifa online.

Yes i'll go stockport county. Who will you go? A championship team? A lowly italian side? Nope you're going Barcelona. Or Chelsea. Well done. I bet once you beat my lowly english league side you'll be punching the air thinking you're amazing and you'll go lick that picture of lionel messi you have on your wall.

- People who gel their hair.

It looks like grease and i don't trust people who do so. This isn't an advert for "redken" (i didnt know any gel companies so i just googled one) nope this is real life and your hair looks like a greasy mess. Get over it and wash your hair out. Oh no you can't control it without greasy gel and it looks messy? GET A HAIRCUT THEN

Thats my anger for now. Please feel free to check back later for more. Please don't section me over this.

Best wishes,

El RoonMeister

Oops

Yeah sorry about that. Where was I again? Ah yeah discussing how good Krakow would be and how much I couldn't wait for the summer to begin. Well Krakow's done and it was indeed good. The summer is up and running too and is already a blur of shenanigans, hangovers and general mad cap frolics. So pretty much like any other time of the year.

Again i've been reluctant to actually write updates these days. Maybe i'm just bored or it could probably be due to the fact i'm actually so lazy to sit myself down on the computer. Actually thats a complete lie i'm always on the computer if i'm not actually outside in the 'real world'. Maybe its because i've got nothing to write about?

Usually most people would be inundated with stuff to write about if:

1) They had experienced a tragic year- check
2) They were incredibly funny- check
3) Lived a rather peculiar and often ridiculous existence- check

Maybe I only make updates once i'm content and living a boring existence. Which technically makes me a shocking writer. But after not knowing the difference between then and when i suppose we always knew that.

So what happened in Poland I hear you cry. Well before i get bored by writing a hefty update and refuse to make anymore updates again for ages...i'll quickly summarise the holiday in bullet point fashion

- Public urination
- Abduction by taxi driver
- Falling out of said taxi and cutting ones arm
- Being abandoned by friend in search of polish beauties (he did say sorry but its still a good story)
- Free meat from a hostel
- Many drunken nights in bars jam packed with polish people who seem to love english people

Most of the above bullet points were caused by the 60% vodka shots we found in a bar cleverly titled 'wodka'. It was a beautiful bar where me and army spent many a romantic evening together slowly toasting our livers away with strong polish vodka straight. The poles didnt like people adding coke or anything else to their drinks. I wasn't going to offend them by doing this. You dont go into someones house and urinate on their carpet. So you don't go into someones country and offend them by urinating on their carpet. So i didn't dilute my vodka.

Though in all fairness I did technically urinate on their street and a little on myself. But we don't need to go into details. Oh and the whole being kissed by a woman who looked like a man. Or a man who looked like a woman. But again we don't need to go into details about that.

Last night i went out for my team leaders birthday. It was all very fun and lovely until everyone i was out with had actually gone home. Being half drunk I still wanted to stay out so randomly gate crashed my team leaders birthday night out alone and took excessive amount of pictures whilst drinking at the bar.

When I woke up this morning I thought i'd been well behaved. Until I saw the texts i'd sent. Until I saw the pictures i'd taken. Which included drunken jibberish to people from work, a text that included the word 'help me...' and a picture of a woman wearing a rather scary mask. Oh and a picture of me and a toliet attendant. But that always happens.

I've woken up today not with a hangover but what I can only describe as the early symptons of man flu. Which would usually trigger days off work if i hadn't agreed to do some 'floor walking' in bootle. The word 'floor walking' generally gives away completely what i will be doing. I'll be walking up and down a floor. Should be an exciting week ahead.

So for tonight I shall lie in my bed and watch my cable television whilst avoiding any mention of football. Yes Newcastle will be relegated. I hope you're all happy.

So let me end todays entry with me viciously word pwning the generic football fans who will be happy on this sad day.

Generic football fan: "Yeah i wanted newcastle to go down! Scum! haha"
Me: Whys this though? Why do you want them to go down?
Generic: Cos! ....
Me: Yes?
Generic: They think they're a big club!!
Me: How do they?
Generic: Their fans think they are!
Me: Okay explain you subhuman speciman. How do they?
Generic: They always expect good results!
Me: They haven't won anything in 40 odd years. Do you blame them? They're the only football club in the entire city. They've spent millions of pounds. They regularly pack out a 50000+ football stadium. Why shouldnt they expect success?
Generic: (laughs to cover his total ownage) Cos!!
Me: You make no sense you dreadful waste of humanity
Generic: They wear no shirts in the stands!
Me: Well okay thats pretty annoying but probably less annoying than seeing an empty ewood park or JJB stadium with no fans at all in?
Generic: .....(looks away)
Me: Fact of the matter is people want Newcastle to go down as they ARE a big club. They have a massive stadium, massive support and if we led properly they may well be successful. But they're run by a fat ape. I see a lot of jealousy from football fans. Especially the 'smaller club' fans who could only dream to fill their pathetic worthless stadiums.
Generic: But i support (big four side insert here)
Me: Well maybe you want to get rid of any club which could potentially cause a problem in the future? Maybe you want a bunch of west broms or birminghams in the league? So its easier? In the end I hope you enjoy pointless matches no one cares about verus wigan, wba, birmingham, fulham, boro, bolton in tiny and worthless stadiums with an attendance smaller than my phonebook. Against clubs who are just happy to finish 12th or 13th. Yes you'll laugh but in the end of the day its you who will need to watch the shitty games. Meanwhile i'll be watching the fifth most watched league in europe in a game against blackpool....jealous? I hope so.

Until the next time we meet my friends,

King David

Exercise bikes and twitter is shit

After turning 23 and becoming stuck in a rut it made me realise a few things about myself. Things i am now determined to improve to fulfill my destiny and reach my dreams. A career, a purpose in life, a goal to reach for so i could finally be happy etc.

Nah i'm just bullshitting you. I'm far too immature and lazy to actually go about doing that!

But I have realised I am chronically lazy. So i've introduced a fitness regime to beat that of Prince Naseem Hamid. Remember him? What ever happened to him? Didnt he kill anyone? Or was that Lee Hughes? Well i'm escaping my point. Yeah i haven't introduced a fitness regime second to none. All i've actually done is brought my exercise bike into my bedroom...

It's the ultimate lazy bastard approach to exercise. Not even having to leave my bedroom or cable tv. But instead sat on a bike pedalling in a half arsed manner whilst watching the 50th episode in a row of scrubs. I don't care what you people say its not that funny nor is it that clever. You bastards with your "popular" shows you force feed on us. Yeah i'm not saying it's a bad show. I will watch it if its on. But its nowhere near as funny as something such as one foot in the grave. Good old Meldrew. Underappreciated in his own time. How i would love to be underappreciated.

Talking about a bandwagoned "popular" and hip things. Twitter. What is all the fuss about? All i see is its exactly like a facebook status box and thats all it does. Why would I want to use such a website then i can update my facebook to say "David is....flying home from hong kong". If i did that why would I feel the need to basically do the EXACT same thing on another website? Bullshit if you ask me!

But yeah it didnt stop me making one. http://twitter.com/TheRoonMeister

It's basically something I should update more than this blog because instead of having to think of witty and clever funny stories i can simply give people bitesize rooneyisms straight from the mouth of the grandmaster Uncle RoonMeister. If any of that makes sense to you then you are a legend.

Nothing new to report in my wacky life. Well actually quite a bit to report but unfortunately being a closed book these days (emotionally screwed and immature) and also the urge not to air awkward things on the internet means you have all unfortunately been cock blocked. But if anyone still reads this why not ask me! I'll make an awkward joke to escape said questioning and we can all laugh.

Other than its the same as ever before. I could bore you with the count down to my holidays (zante 2 and a bit months- Krakow in 2 weeks) but i won't because it won't interest you until i return with stories and fine pictures.

I will however end with a fascinating story about my drunken antics. Last night i ended up in the blue angel and then a casino near my work where I spent an hour teaching a blackjack dealer about tax credits and what he could possibly claim. Yes drunk train wreck David was on full force!

Killing time alone waiting for your train is always an error of judgment due to the fact i kept missing the train by minutes due to general apathy (the worst type of laziness) and then eventually I got the dreaded (good) phone call from pete and hatch to say they were coming into town within an hour. So I would need to stay in town alone and wait for them.

What did i end up doing? Well i went to a salsa class and watched happy strange people dancing together. I watched all this in the corner talking to a 60 year old man called Jim. Yes a rather strange, sad and awkward conversation with an old man as we watched a salsa class in a bar. I didnt want to ask why he was there leering at everyone but i could probably guess....alone, horny... Its like a mirror image of my sad future.

Actually i suppose i should ask the question why was i in that bar during a salsa class. My excuse is the drink prices. Honest.

So i waited for Pete and hatch but obviously i felt awkward hanging around alone/with Jim so drank quicker. By the time they'd got in i was pretty gone which made me easy to convince to go to the casino opposite my work. There's something odd about being in work all day and then ended up opposite your work in a casino staring out at it as the sunrises...

I was also denied service at the bar for being too drunk. Before you start tut tutting at me may I just say I wasnt doing anything bad at all. I was sat in the corner looking out the window whilst listening to my ipod watching everyone gamble. I spent nothing on gambling. Maybe thats why they werent so happy at me and cockblocked my drinking fun.

But anyway thats basically my night...now i have to work this saturday which turns out to be a good plan. I have £400 quid in my bank and a £345 holiday coming out very shortly. After i'd checked my balance i thought for sure the money had already come out...damn was my first thought as Dave sent me a text confirming he had not cashed said cheque...i'm also trying to work out whether my £140 phone bill has come out yet. I believe it hasnt. All in all it means i am therefore screwed.

Good news is my phone bills will be cheaper now. The downside is i got the iphone. Oh yes its all very nice except for the texting keyboard but basically it means...i sold out AGAIN. Like twitter. Next i'll be buying scrubs box sets...

Now i must dash i need to jump on my socially acceptable exercise bike to do my popular work out regime...

Damn you roonmeister. Damn you

Life is getting rather mad again...

Greetings lovers and friends. My monthly update is here for you all to enjoy and learn from. Hows life going? Well at the moment my eyes are purely looking ahead to April and the first of two rather mad cap holidays which will be taking place. The first is Krakow and its cheap polish currency and booze. A dangerous combination!

I made a prediction earlier this year that I wanted this year just to be a year of steady progress. After the nightmare situations which arose from 2008 I wanted a year where i tried to get my 'shit' in order with steady but unspectacular progress.

Well so far it has been steady progress.

But the shenanigans have continued. Just then i thought the first few months had heralded a rather normal existence the mad cap incidents occur again. I hate to be a tease and leave it at that but to go into more detail would mean i would need to kill you. Once i can inform of you of it i shall but until then...

I'm finally getting a new phone this Tuesday. My poor old phone has taken a brunt of my wild antics of 2008 and is a complete train wreck. The screen is as JR would say 'busted wide open' whilst the back is sellotaped on. It came into my life as a proud and furturistic phone. It will leave me asn abused rehab entering junkie. I feel for the old phone. It did me so proud. It survived so many scares (i.e the number of dance floors it fell drunkenly on). My next phone is the iphone i believe. Whether it can take the same shenanigans will have to be seen.

Whilst I see my 2009 as steady progress for myself there are people around me in my life, close people, who are suffering some of the same tragedies that befell me in 2008. My sympathies go to these people tremondously. Names don't need to be mentioned. It's a product of life that all we can be assured of is taxes and death but it doesn't make death any easier to accept or come to terms with.

Who do I see myself in 2009? A guy with a lot of flaws and a lot of issues to deal with relating to the events of 2008. A guy who still feels pretty much nothing which is probably the most tragic but one could even say amusing after effect of my life. But yet i'm making steady progress to recovery. I'm still standing and walking the road of life and hoping the next corner I take is better than the last.

Yes it's all rather deep tonight. I'd like to call today's entry meaningless deep conversation. It accomplishes nothing nor does it inform people of anything.

Anyway i hope you all have a fantastic month. i'll keep you updated with the stories of my life as soon as i'm in a situation to talk about them. In the mean time my thoughts go to all those who have been hurt or have lost something so far this week. Whilst I struggle i think to show emotion to these people i think to help my thoughts are truly with them.

Best wishes,

The RoonMeister

General contempt for life

Greetings friends and lovers. How's it hanging you fantastically lovely people? I'm generally showing contempt for life currently. It's February. It's dark. It's cold. If it fucking continues to snow every day i'm going to scream. Once is fair enough but now every sodding day it's snowing and not sticking at all. Absolutely pointless and seeing everyone in work screaming "it's snowing!!" and running to the window is incredibly annoying. Nope that isn't snow. That's mostly rain.

Anyway i should try to stop ranting half way through an opening paragraph to an entry. It doesn't give the best impression. Really i'm waffling as i'm not motivated much to write at the point. I don't know whether this is a good thing. Maybe its because bad things haven't happened to me so far this year to give my brain enough material to over analyse. I'm not angry enough to rant much either. Does this mean i've chilled in my old age or i'm merely apathetic to my own existence and no longer care about irritating hats, crappy trains, people who hysterically laugh over snow and the lacklustre people who hang around concert square. Maybe i just don't care about my rants anymore.

In more interesting news i've finally booked my holidays. Krakow in April for 6 days should be entertaining. Low prices, cheap hostel and easily accessible alcohol armed with my partner in crime Armstrong means several things could occur on this holiday.

- We get drunk a lot of nights and have fun and frolics
- We get drunk a lot of nights and get into massive shenanigans possibly involving a polish man called 'Dak'.

I'm going to bet on the second option since I feel the straight forward holiday memories will be impossible with an Armstrong and such cheap available alcohol. We're staying in what appears to be a homosexually run hostel. The memories are already being created I see. I'm sure Greg and Tom will be most welcoming with their 'cold meats' and 'vodka tasting nights'.

For the main event of the summer i'm heading back to Zante. The last train i went there was with a girlfriend back in 2007 (i had a girlfriend?!) now i'm going back with Martin my Gran Canaria dog chased companion, Will the non organiser now and the return of Dave to a holiday. A fine cast list what should be a truly memorable holiday. I'm now eager to experience the bars i walked past on last time. The hotel we're staying in is the 42nd best in Zante. Sadly there are only 46 hotels in Zante. Oops. But does accomodation really mean anything? I say not. Back in 2006 maybe so as i pined on the balcony watching wimbledon. But i'm a changed man now who will be clowning about too much to really care.

Two things to be looking forward in the coming weeks. I'm sure this 'diary' will be covering both events extensively and hopefully some massive shenanigans and eventful memories will be captured on these lovely pages.

Until then the non events of my life will continue with little to report other than anger at going to work and frustration at being cock blocked about being able to represent at the careers fair and getting off work for the day. Instead it's a full day tackling all your problems and needs. The country breathes a sigh of relief...a collective moan comes from my work companions.

Until next time or until something eventful occurs to write about (hey i'm enjoying the lack of events after 2008...) or until I snap and finally want/care enough to rant again,

This has been your teacher

David.

Yeah...

Updates coming soon just wait...

I wish i could say i've been busy. I haven't. I haven't even been out a lot either. My nights have curbed down. Obviously once i go out i'm having misadventures as per usual and getting myself into situations i thought would end after 2008...

Now i'm currently looking for flights for my april and june holidays. I promise i'll update you all soon with some fantastic stories of my life and some nice rants. Mainly about hats.

See you soon!

Richard Branson and 2009 so far

We're already 10 days into the new year and to be honest i don't really feel like it's kicked off yet. It might be due to the fact that nothing eventful has happened yet. Which is surely a blessing of the highest order but which is one i'm not necessarily used to which makes me think that things haven't truly kicked off this year yet...

So far Richard Branson is saving my life with his wonderful televisional masterpiece called the V+ box. I have so far been out just once this year, which was actually last night, every other night I have remained sat on my arse in either a) A chair or b) my bed.

Watching excessive amounts of premier league football, wrestling (which isn't good anymore or even remotely good anymore but it's something to kill time with), tennis, spanish football and bobsleigh world cup matches...which I had the 'pleasure' of watching today. So far my tv hard disk consists of zoey 101 episodes, hannah montana, some michael palin programme and the spanish cup highlights. It's quite a life. So many programmes to watch and so very little time to watch them in my rather pathetic but fulfilling life.

Apart from that it's the same old work and home existence. My sister has now sodded off from home leaving me as the only child again with just my mum in the house. We're now house mates almost in a low budget, unfunny, british version of friends. I own the 'appartment' upstairs and 'hilliariously' spend all the time sat on my arse watching tv and my mum sits downstairs reading rubbish women's magazines about men who marry their sisters accidently. Yes it's action packed in the Rooney household. But maybe after 2009 this is exactly what the doctor orders. A year with less shenanigans and more normality.

Tomorrow i own the house to myself as my mum goes on holiday to London. No mum, no sister and no Dad. Just me. Maybe this will be time for me to sit about reflective and have those precious quiet moments to come to terms with my own existence and past. Or...maybe i'll just sit about and watch crap on tv. I'll tell you one thing that isn't crap though; Dog the bounty hunter.

The chances to have a party are slim due to the fact that my group of mates shrinks every second. Boyfriends, girlfriends, "maturity" have all dealt a cruel hand to the mogul men of yesteryear. Maybe i should accept it what with us all being 23 and working the chances of me being able to have a party on a week night are slim to non-existent. Plus the few people who i could get out include Hatch (who works all the time), Pete who has been missing the past few weeks and Army who is cruelly caught up in exams. It means i'll be keeping myself company. Well me and Richard Branson.

Maybe that'll give me time to keep this updated eh?

Until next time...this has been your daily update to my rather mundane so far 2009...

David Rooney the Lord of the Manor.

Welcome to a new year?

So this is 2009. A cursed year behind us and now nothing but a fresh start, plenty of shenanigans, many misadventures and probably a whole lot of scandal and gossip to report in the 12 months ahead.

So far so good for 2009. New Years Eve was quite the night. I got incredibly drunk on very little which was a blessing due to the fact it allowed me to take home a bottle of vodka unopened. It was like a time portal back to the past. Yes a lot of vodka in the McGuinness house had been consumed (all in one glass- what else is new) but after that it was purely a mixture of 2 cheeky vimtos and 8 wkd bottles. Yes was this really the world we lived in? WKD was getting me drunk again? Or was I just swept up by the emotion and relief at escaping a god awful year that i was merely semi drunk and the rest being emotion dragged up by the previous 12 months? Who knows. Either way it was good fun as we sat about drinking and listening to the crap on my new Ipod.

Ah yes 2008 had ended with me breaking my old ipod, a shattering moment on the concrete floor whilst surprisingly sober. It also ended with me having to wipe my computer to fix everything (dont worry everything was saved) and also had me accidently wiping my phone (so text me your numbers if you read this) All in all it was building to 2009. A fresh start.

I spent 2009 new years day relaxing about on the sofa whilst yesterday was the day cable was fitted in my room. My aim to have cable installed in my room, whilst also being so i can watch the match on a sunday without my nan watching eastenders, is to try and keep me in a bit more. For financial reasons and also due to the fact it appears no one wants to go out anymore...maybe it's good we're all getting old/boring (delete as appropriate)

Two thousand and bloody nine. I'll turn 24 that year. That's the year my mum and Dad got married. This really is game over terrority. But not to worry. I now have cable in my room. A cable box which records things onto a hard drive! Plus a computer next to it with the internet. Perfect tools to ignore the ever changing landscape of my life and hide away from getting old. Yes things might not be perfect in my life but have you managed to record the FA cup spurs vs Wigan game to your V+ hard drive? No? Oh but you're happy with a girlfriend/boyfriend? Got a nice job too? Yeah? Oh very good. But again did you manage to record the Fa cup spurs vs Wigan game to your V+ hard drive? Ah no you didn't.

Therefore I win.

Anyway here are some of my goals for 2009.

- To spend less on boozy nights out
- But to continue to encourage and urge people to stop abandoning their youthful ways and suddenly getting 'older' and 'mature' before their time i.e boring. I will still be the flag bearer for 'good times'. I will still mock any boring individuals who have suddenly got too good for the misadventures and shenanigans. Maybe they're better than this...but they don't need to say it...
- I will try to be more positive (unless life screws me over again)
- I will attempt to explore my deep feelings and emotions whilst attempting to deal with them once and for all (without opening the abyss aka 2003 David- or getting too emotional again...aka David 2003.
- I will have fun and good times.

Now at this point good viewer the choice is yours on whether to return to this webpage. You can leave me having survived a dreadful year standing before you with hope for the future as seen by my goals for the year. Still want to come with me to 2009?

You still want to come with me? If you do I should warn you. You'll see all types of things crazy shenanigans, emotional experiences and misadventure filled twists and unbelievable turns. It wont be quiet, it wont be safe and it it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be. A trip of a lifetime!

Yes the above was stolen from a well known advert which just happened to be playing. It was edited for my own egotistical use.

See you soon!