Today is flexy day. A day where I go massively in debit with my flexi time from work in order to have a 3 day weekend and escape work. I've just woken up at 11am praising my name for having made such a good decision. That sleep has got to be the longest sleep i've had in a bloody long time.
My sleep has become disturbed these days. The ignorant cough i've developed isnt helping either. It's also causing me to panic massively then the door opens in the middle of the night and my mum walks in with cough medicine to give me. It's a lovely gesture from her but seriously you're lying asleep not knowing you're coughing and the next minute you feel a hand on your face. You scream right? Yeah thats what i've often done. Horrific late night scariness.
My sleep has also become disturbed by dreams which i wake up from and think "what the flaming hell was that about". Not nightmares obviously. If i had a nightmare where i was being chased by the devil or something I'd simply stop running and turn around and announce to Satan himself
"I'm The RoonMeister, Hear my roar!"
That bastard would stop chasing me immediately. Nope i don't have nightmares more like truly messed up dreams. Often very haunting dreams from people in the past invade my dreams. Not even dead people either...though i've had a few of them. Nope haunting dreams from people who are alive who do crazy things in my dream. I'll stop this conversation now before i appear weird to anyone. Okay more weirder. Okay i'll stop before i appear a candidate for sectioning. I don't want to do a Gazza.
My training regime is starting to kick off. I thought i'd be able to exercise every single night after work. The only downside is the fact i'm never in. I didn't think i was out that much. In the last week i've only actually been in my house all night once. Usually there is a pub adventure, or a town adventure or something else...usually with alcohol.
My sister is the one who bought all the exercise tools. I just wanted the exercise bike so i looked on at disdain as she informed me of the tiny weights she'd bought, trampoline and stepper. How the heck is a trampoline going to exercise me i thought.
I was wrong. The trampoline raped me.
I began jogging on it and thought it was pretty fun but not really of an beneficial value. After ten minutes i was dying. So i staggered onto the stepper. The stepper owned me viciously. After ten minutes on that stepper the wheelchair we have in our garage (by the way all this exercising stuff is in the garage- probably should have mentioned that from the start...) became a tempting thing to sit in. I was crippled. I didnt know i was this unhealthy...so unhealthy that the exercise bike was a relief to use due to the fact i could sit and my aching legs could cool down. Damn Argo's and your cheap exercise tools.
What am i up to this weekend?
So far yours truly has no plans whatsoever. I'm off to get dressed in a minute and meet Armstrong in town for lunch and to see the UEFA Exhibition. Sadly i won't have my camera to capture these moments. Since i broke my old camera and still haven't got around to replacing my new camera which also got broke. It's the script for a camera horror movie.
Inevitably these day trips with Armstrong usually end up in 3 different ways:
1) Excessive drinking which lasts all night
2) Drinking excessively which continues all night
3) Staying out all night long and drinking a lot.
So right now i'm planning on wearing something i can pull off if for some reason i'm still in town in 12 hours time. Maybe i won't be. But i have a feeling i'll at the very least end up drunk. We'll see though...
Right now some random thoughts to end your education.
- Britney Spears has a new album out. She's also going to Liverpool for the MTV europe awards. Does anyone smell a stalking exercise? Imagine the dream somehow meeting Britney outside her hotel and getting her to go to the blue angel? Causing her to get massively drunk and putting her back in her rehab treatment by at least 8 months!
- I hate all you bastards who are happy in your relationships. You all make me sick. This is not jealousy. I have a widescreen tv and a playstation 3. But you're all kidding yourselves. Half of you are only together because you can't be single. The other half of you have all changed massively beyond belief since you got with other half therefore killing your soul. I slap you all viciously. Come and join me in bitter land. Bitter and angry but with an ass that won't quit.
- Does anyone else wish Joe Kinnear was their uncle? Imagine getting him drunk on christmas and watching the mess it'd cause!
- Tickets for my Dad's event are almost sold out. To the people who keep saying they'll buy one i literally have a handful left. My penis is more than a handful. But you may class my penis as small. So work that out. They'll be gone within 4 days. If you want one hunt me down and attack me for them.
- How come everyone is leaving my team in work? How come we're not getting any new attractive starters joining?
- How much will i end up drinking today?
I don't know the answers to most questions asked today. But all i know is it is destiny...or at least a really bad rollercoaster. Just like this year today is a day where you strap yourself in, brace yourself, tuck your head between your legs and see where the hell it takes you.
Until next time you sexual people this has been your friend, lover and occassional therapist,
The RoonMeister and David
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