Scientists have been lying to you for the past 1000 years about how the universe actually works. But i've gotten used to science's ignorance and had hoped humanities wisdom would eventually mean that the truth would be known. Why brag about my superior intelligence in this matter? As scholars have always said ignorance is bliss, the wise and deserving would seek the real truth eventually anyway.
However whilst travelling through Liverpool Central train station (which i will from this point regard in this story as the 'nastiest, dark piss hole of a station') i saw a poster bragging that
Liverpool is 'centre of the universe'. You can try to feed people a lie for years but then Merseyrail of all people attempt to jokingly shit us that Liverpool is the centre of the universe I literally exploded with rage. Trust me i've taken a lot from Merseyrail, what with the never ending late trains and crappy stations plus a whole lot more..., but this is what broke the camels back. Not only broke that poor camels back but then pissed over it's decaying body. (The camel had starved to death because it had a broken back and couldnt move in case you were wondering why the camel was now dead).
Liverpool isn't the centre of the universe. In fact it shouldnt even be mentioned on a map of England. It's people certainly aren't the friendliest in the world. I'd much prefer them to be regarded as potential thieves and drug deals. Don't even get me started on Liverpool One it's new multi million pound shopping experience. Wanting to create a new part of town in a previously derelict part of town? Well the geniuses behind the project decided to simply move all the shops from the main shopping district to the new shopping district. What did that create? A happy shopping environment for the 21st century? Nope it created empty abandoned shops in the old main shopping district. Congratulations Captain Dipshit for whoeveer thought up of that idea. Plus don't even get me started on it's cramped streets in Liverpool One with all the shops squashed together and all the different levels and floors. Apparently it's trying to recreate the trafford centre.
Only one problem there. Liverpool One is in a city centre. The trafford centre is a shopping complex inside a building. Which is why things have to be compact. Whilst Liverpool One might look pretty to the artists amongst us for me it's simply an inconvenience after to squeeze past people i don't like anyway and who i'd rather self harm than have their shoulders touch mine on my way to pick up the beano from whsmith.
But anyway i'm truly just killing time here. Basically what i'm trying to say is Liverpool isn't the centre of the universe. Not at all. It's not even the sun. Nope in fact the centre of the universe is actually
ME.
As seen by the drawing you will see below.
There i have finally revealed the truth to the world. Without sounding egotistical at all you will find most things in this world actually respond to me. I cause the most sensation, the most things go wrong for me, the wkd drinks of the world seem to come towards me...it's actually because everything orbits around me. Now you may begin to realise why i stand out as much as i do. Why you feel compelled to sleep with me every second of the day. It's not immoral. It's not bizarre. It's actually science.
Maybe it's my ego or maybe it's schizophrenia that makes me think if one day somebody came up to me and said "yeah your life is actually a tv show. we've been recording you for a while and everyone around you is played by an actor and all the madcap adventures you experience are actually scripted" i'd obviously be shocked and dismayed but after a few days of contemplating this discover i'd probably begin to consider it isn't that much of a surprise.
Coupled with the fact that i've always considered and lived my life as if it's a tv show (maybe it explains why i'm emotionally dead inside) and played the big moments in my life as a twist in the storyline...i don't know why i've always seen life as one big tv joke but its been the case since i was a little kid. obviously a lot less now but who really knows what goes down in my mind. It's probably for the best that way too.
Until next time fans,
Much love
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