Today is flexy day. A day where I go massively in debit with my flexi time from work in order to have a 3 day weekend and escape work. I've just woken up at 11am praising my name for having made such a good decision. That sleep has got to be the longest sleep i've had in a bloody long time.
My sleep has become disturbed these days. The ignorant cough i've developed isnt helping either. It's also causing me to panic massively then the door opens in the middle of the night and my mum walks in with cough medicine to give me. It's a lovely gesture from her but seriously you're lying asleep not knowing you're coughing and the next minute you feel a hand on your face. You scream right? Yeah thats what i've often done. Horrific late night scariness.
My sleep has also become disturbed by dreams which i wake up from and think "what the flaming hell was that about". Not nightmares obviously. If i had a nightmare where i was being chased by the devil or something I'd simply stop running and turn around and announce to Satan himself
"I'm The RoonMeister, Hear my roar!"
That bastard would stop chasing me immediately. Nope i don't have nightmares more like truly messed up dreams. Often very haunting dreams from people in the past invade my dreams. Not even dead people either...though i've had a few of them. Nope haunting dreams from people who are alive who do crazy things in my dream. I'll stop this conversation now before i appear weird to anyone. Okay more weirder. Okay i'll stop before i appear a candidate for sectioning. I don't want to do a Gazza.
My training regime is starting to kick off. I thought i'd be able to exercise every single night after work. The only downside is the fact i'm never in. I didn't think i was out that much. In the last week i've only actually been in my house all night once. Usually there is a pub adventure, or a town adventure or something else...usually with alcohol.
My sister is the one who bought all the exercise tools. I just wanted the exercise bike so i looked on at disdain as she informed me of the tiny weights she'd bought, trampoline and stepper. How the heck is a trampoline going to exercise me i thought.
I was wrong. The trampoline raped me.
I began jogging on it and thought it was pretty fun but not really of an beneficial value. After ten minutes i was dying. So i staggered onto the stepper. The stepper owned me viciously. After ten minutes on that stepper the wheelchair we have in our garage (by the way all this exercising stuff is in the garage- probably should have mentioned that from the start...) became a tempting thing to sit in. I was crippled. I didnt know i was this unhealthy...so unhealthy that the exercise bike was a relief to use due to the fact i could sit and my aching legs could cool down. Damn Argo's and your cheap exercise tools.
What am i up to this weekend?
So far yours truly has no plans whatsoever. I'm off to get dressed in a minute and meet Armstrong in town for lunch and to see the UEFA Exhibition. Sadly i won't have my camera to capture these moments. Since i broke my old camera and still haven't got around to replacing my new camera which also got broke. It's the script for a camera horror movie.
Inevitably these day trips with Armstrong usually end up in 3 different ways:
1) Excessive drinking which lasts all night
2) Drinking excessively which continues all night
3) Staying out all night long and drinking a lot.
So right now i'm planning on wearing something i can pull off if for some reason i'm still in town in 12 hours time. Maybe i won't be. But i have a feeling i'll at the very least end up drunk. We'll see though...
Right now some random thoughts to end your education.
- Britney Spears has a new album out. She's also going to Liverpool for the MTV europe awards. Does anyone smell a stalking exercise? Imagine the dream somehow meeting Britney outside her hotel and getting her to go to the blue angel? Causing her to get massively drunk and putting her back in her rehab treatment by at least 8 months!
- I hate all you bastards who are happy in your relationships. You all make me sick. This is not jealousy. I have a widescreen tv and a playstation 3. But you're all kidding yourselves. Half of you are only together because you can't be single. The other half of you have all changed massively beyond belief since you got with other half therefore killing your soul. I slap you all viciously. Come and join me in bitter land. Bitter and angry but with an ass that won't quit.
- Does anyone else wish Joe Kinnear was their uncle? Imagine getting him drunk on christmas and watching the mess it'd cause!
- Tickets for my Dad's event are almost sold out. To the people who keep saying they'll buy one i literally have a handful left. My penis is more than a handful. But you may class my penis as small. So work that out. They'll be gone within 4 days. If you want one hunt me down and attack me for them.
- How come everyone is leaving my team in work? How come we're not getting any new attractive starters joining?
- How much will i end up drinking today?
I don't know the answers to most questions asked today. But all i know is it is destiny...or at least a really bad rollercoaster. Just like this year today is a day where you strap yourself in, brace yourself, tuck your head between your legs and see where the hell it takes you.
Until next time you sexual people this has been your friend, lover and occassional therapist,
The RoonMeister and David
Friday, 24 October 2008
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Apologies and loving thoughts
Yeah so i've been missing for a while. I'll admit it. i left you as a sweet and innocent 22 year old (with obvious issues) and return to you a rather bitter and twisted 23 year old (with obvious issues). The reason for my disappearance can mainly be contributed to contempt and laziness. Which are the two factors that are currently ruining my life...here's what you've missed in our time away though
- I turned 23. We all went into town and everyone got excessively drunk. I always wonder why on my birthday night everyone gets ruined. Not even christmas or new years eve sees as many completely wankered individuals out. Maybe it's because people feel the need to get as drunk as I usually do on my birthday. Or maybe my birthday and arrival on the planet sees the whole world unite in alcopop merryment. Whatever the reason i'm eternally thankfull for everyone being squashed into the Raz, everyone doing embarrassing things and the 1000+ pictures having been taken.
- My work birthday night out the following Tuesday however didn't go down as well. Don't get me wrong it was a good night with lots of people out. It's just where 'excessively drunk david' made an appearance. Thankful he doesn't come out a lot but he was all over that Tuesday night. It was strange since i only had a bottle of rose and some double vodkas. Yet i was gone. Completely gone. I can't remember the majority of the night which i've been told is a good thing. The few picutres I took tell me enough.
- I returned to Llandudno with the family last weekend. A nice relaxing holiday was the plan. Unfortunately it didn't go quite to plan. On the Saturday night i went out with my sister and her boyfriend. A few quiet drinks turned into a few more. After the two of them decided to go home I stayed out for '1 more'. What happened was me being led to some night club by a random individual, blowing £50 in an hour and eventually getting thrown out the night club for 'pushing and shoving people'. Which if anyone knows me is exactly the last thing i would do. Especially considered i actually wasnt that drunk. Especially strange considered at the time the bouncer came up to me I was standing alone looking out the door checking if it was raining 'not the behaviour of a drunk'. So I declare wrong identify. In a way i was glad to escape the strangest nightclub i've ever been to.
- This weekend i've chilled and relaxed. Well i went out friday...but the rest of the weekend was chilled and relaxed. Yours truly has a chest infection which means he's had to lie low for a few days to get his health back so he can return to his party ways again. Whilst i'm stuck inside i have my huge widescreen tv and playstation 3 to keep me company.
Feeling lonely?! Never! Who needs anyone! I have a widescreen HD ready tv armed with a playstation 3 Grand Theft Auto and Fifa 2009. I need no one!
That's the line i'm using from now on...
Shame my internet connection is slower than an OAP in a mobility scooter. I blame having to set up a wireless network for my sister. Who has since used the internet on her new laptop about 3 times. Thanks for that sis...
Anyway i promise i won't be away as long next time. I'll return to my role as professor and you can return to reading my life stories and learning from my tales of woe and misadventure. Enjoy Maniacs I have at least another year ahead of being massively immature. I'll promise i'll stop once i turn 24. (thats my plan anyway...)
- I turned 23. We all went into town and everyone got excessively drunk. I always wonder why on my birthday night everyone gets ruined. Not even christmas or new years eve sees as many completely wankered individuals out. Maybe it's because people feel the need to get as drunk as I usually do on my birthday. Or maybe my birthday and arrival on the planet sees the whole world unite in alcopop merryment. Whatever the reason i'm eternally thankfull for everyone being squashed into the Raz, everyone doing embarrassing things and the 1000+ pictures having been taken.
- My work birthday night out the following Tuesday however didn't go down as well. Don't get me wrong it was a good night with lots of people out. It's just where 'excessively drunk david' made an appearance. Thankful he doesn't come out a lot but he was all over that Tuesday night. It was strange since i only had a bottle of rose and some double vodkas. Yet i was gone. Completely gone. I can't remember the majority of the night which i've been told is a good thing. The few picutres I took tell me enough.
- I returned to Llandudno with the family last weekend. A nice relaxing holiday was the plan. Unfortunately it didn't go quite to plan. On the Saturday night i went out with my sister and her boyfriend. A few quiet drinks turned into a few more. After the two of them decided to go home I stayed out for '1 more'. What happened was me being led to some night club by a random individual, blowing £50 in an hour and eventually getting thrown out the night club for 'pushing and shoving people'. Which if anyone knows me is exactly the last thing i would do. Especially considered i actually wasnt that drunk. Especially strange considered at the time the bouncer came up to me I was standing alone looking out the door checking if it was raining 'not the behaviour of a drunk'. So I declare wrong identify. In a way i was glad to escape the strangest nightclub i've ever been to.
- This weekend i've chilled and relaxed. Well i went out friday...but the rest of the weekend was chilled and relaxed. Yours truly has a chest infection which means he's had to lie low for a few days to get his health back so he can return to his party ways again. Whilst i'm stuck inside i have my huge widescreen tv and playstation 3 to keep me company.
Feeling lonely?! Never! Who needs anyone! I have a widescreen HD ready tv armed with a playstation 3 Grand Theft Auto and Fifa 2009. I need no one!
That's the line i'm using from now on...
Shame my internet connection is slower than an OAP in a mobility scooter. I blame having to set up a wireless network for my sister. Who has since used the internet on her new laptop about 3 times. Thanks for that sis...
Anyway i promise i won't be away as long next time. I'll return to my role as professor and you can return to reading my life stories and learning from my tales of woe and misadventure. Enjoy Maniacs I have at least another year ahead of being massively immature. I'll promise i'll stop once i turn 24. (thats my plan anyway...)
Monday, 6 October 2008
The Final Written Chapter
Birthdays. Bloody Birthdays.
The time of year has come around again where I face the fact i'm a year older and not anymore wiser. What have I gained this year? Maybe it's better to rephase the question and ask what i've lost this year.
Yes being 22 years old wasn't the most funniest of years. Don't get me wrong I rocked out with my wkd bottle many a time. I had some damn good times with some damn good people. But obviously the bad of this year outweights the good by about 10 trillion to 1. Sometimes even though I had many famous hysterical nights it felt like I was sleep walking through everything. Numb to the bad times and numb to the good. It's a worrying sensation to have which one can only hope disappears in the times ahead.
Good times I hope too. Yes being 23 should be my age of enlightenment and fulfilment. The year I turn things around. Right now if you looked at the form book i wouldnt be a very good bet. I'd be an under pressure football manager. A horse with one leg longer than the other. But like the rank outside I'll pull off a Wimbledon style FA Cup win and stun the world. The long and painful road to redemption for David J Rooney. From out the dark clouds I ride on a crest of a wave with a fine broad on one arm and the other hand raised in clenched first held aloft. As the song says the next year will 'bring me to life'
Either that or i just get hammered for the year.
In all seriousness being 22 has sucked badly. The year ALMOST broke me. I've been low before but this year taught me exactly what being low actually entails. I lost nearly EVERYTHING i held dear to me. I replay the events of the year in a haunting fashion. Maybe i could have done something different to save it all. Somehow though here i am on the eve of my birthday and escaping this wretched age. What was so different? How did I get here?
Well i suppose a rather camp thank you would go to my friends. A lot of different friends who in different ways have helped me. There is the drinking friends who came out with me on a minutes notice and drank my troubles away. The listening friends who let me whine and rant about everything else except my main troubles but yet it still helped. Then the texting friends who perhaps didnt know what to say whilst watching a guys life car crash into a steel temple. But the texts helped. It all helped. To this I thank them.
Perhaps I also coped through the battles because I knew the consequences of 'falling'. If you fall you don't get back up. If you 'fall' you can't help those who need help more. And probably more importantly i knew what a whiny bitch 2002 David was then his problems paled in comparison to that of 2008 David. (Poor bastard)
Here i am. Bigger and stronger and better. Well maybe neither of them but i'm still standing. With a crooked leg and black eye. But standing.
Someone made a rather smart observation about my current life at the moment. I considered it pretty spot on.
"You're holding it together while falling apart, and you don't seem to mind it one bit."
I thought it was incredibly insightful. Probably a bit too insightful. The bastard...
So here I am waving goodbye to being 22 and not caring one bit. Yes aging is a worry. The excuses for my mistakes and my immaturity grow less. But at least I can move on with my life and pack up the boxes of the past 12 months. I can underline everything and say "Yes my life got fucked but here I am still standing, still dancing, still drinking, still breathing, still making the innuendos, still joking, still hiding behind humour as a self defence mechanism...still being the flipping man"
I am David Rooney. I was 22 years old. That was the story of how I survived injustices. That was the story of how i fought and lost in vain some of the most important things to me and some of things i held most dear. That was the story of how I went close to the edge but got pulled back by my friends and my conscience. I am David Rooney. That was the story of how I fell.
Now time to write the next chapter.
The time of year has come around again where I face the fact i'm a year older and not anymore wiser. What have I gained this year? Maybe it's better to rephase the question and ask what i've lost this year.
Yes being 22 years old wasn't the most funniest of years. Don't get me wrong I rocked out with my wkd bottle many a time. I had some damn good times with some damn good people. But obviously the bad of this year outweights the good by about 10 trillion to 1. Sometimes even though I had many famous hysterical nights it felt like I was sleep walking through everything. Numb to the bad times and numb to the good. It's a worrying sensation to have which one can only hope disappears in the times ahead.
Good times I hope too. Yes being 23 should be my age of enlightenment and fulfilment. The year I turn things around. Right now if you looked at the form book i wouldnt be a very good bet. I'd be an under pressure football manager. A horse with one leg longer than the other. But like the rank outside I'll pull off a Wimbledon style FA Cup win and stun the world. The long and painful road to redemption for David J Rooney. From out the dark clouds I ride on a crest of a wave with a fine broad on one arm and the other hand raised in clenched first held aloft. As the song says the next year will 'bring me to life'
Either that or i just get hammered for the year.
In all seriousness being 22 has sucked badly. The year ALMOST broke me. I've been low before but this year taught me exactly what being low actually entails. I lost nearly EVERYTHING i held dear to me. I replay the events of the year in a haunting fashion. Maybe i could have done something different to save it all. Somehow though here i am on the eve of my birthday and escaping this wretched age. What was so different? How did I get here?
Well i suppose a rather camp thank you would go to my friends. A lot of different friends who in different ways have helped me. There is the drinking friends who came out with me on a minutes notice and drank my troubles away. The listening friends who let me whine and rant about everything else except my main troubles but yet it still helped. Then the texting friends who perhaps didnt know what to say whilst watching a guys life car crash into a steel temple. But the texts helped. It all helped. To this I thank them.
Perhaps I also coped through the battles because I knew the consequences of 'falling'. If you fall you don't get back up. If you 'fall' you can't help those who need help more. And probably more importantly i knew what a whiny bitch 2002 David was then his problems paled in comparison to that of 2008 David. (Poor bastard)
Here i am. Bigger and stronger and better. Well maybe neither of them but i'm still standing. With a crooked leg and black eye. But standing.
Someone made a rather smart observation about my current life at the moment. I considered it pretty spot on.
"You're holding it together while falling apart, and you don't seem to mind it one bit."
I thought it was incredibly insightful. Probably a bit too insightful. The bastard...
So here I am waving goodbye to being 22 and not caring one bit. Yes aging is a worry. The excuses for my mistakes and my immaturity grow less. But at least I can move on with my life and pack up the boxes of the past 12 months. I can underline everything and say "Yes my life got fucked but here I am still standing, still dancing, still drinking, still breathing, still making the innuendos, still joking, still hiding behind humour as a self defence mechanism...still being the flipping man"
I am David Rooney. I was 22 years old. That was the story of how I survived injustices. That was the story of how i fought and lost in vain some of the most important things to me and some of things i held most dear. That was the story of how I went close to the edge but got pulled back by my friends and my conscience. I am David Rooney. That was the story of how I fell.
Now time to write the next chapter.
Saturday, 4 October 2008
Back to another Birthday
So here we are again. It's a Saturday and tonight I 'celebrate' my birthday again with yet another session of drinking followed by the blue angel. It'll be the 6th year i follow this script and this year i contemplated perhaps changing my itinerary. But perhaps like i am with most aspects of my life i find it hard to move on and accept anything different. In a sense though perhaps i am allowed not to change my birthday plans since everything else in my life has changed since that last birthday night, a year ago.
My birthday isnt until Tuesday so i don't have to bear the knowledge that i will be 23. My word that is a truly old age. I know i've been saying "21 is old" and "22 is really old" before and i must sound like a broken record. But seriously, 23 is old. I was always lying before then i said my previous ages were old. I think to get a rise out of people. But 23 is a settling down age. I'm about as far away from settling down as a Gypsy. My life is more up in the air than Richard Branson in a hot air balloon. (before he crashes)
I'm busy listening to the script's album (which i have to say is a fine album) whilst looking through the pictures of last year's birthday. Happy smiling pictures of me, my dad, my mum and my sister before the night began and everyone started arriving at my house. So many pictures of friends who drifted away into the abyss and pictures of people you barely see anymore. Pictures of people who would be affected so much by personal tragedy themselves in the year that faced us all exactly one year ago today. One one knew what would happen in the year ahead
Now this entry might sound like the writings of a depressed maniac. But i'm truly not. I'm just feeling very reflective on this day because it connects me with my birthday from last year and it does really make you think. Yet again i'm left with a feeling of indifference towards this rollercoaster we call life.
Tonight i shall commence my drinking at 7pm and head into town at around 9:45pm (if taxis can show up) before crashing into the blue angel with tidal wave force. Maybe i need to complete this birthday night lap once more in order to bury the memories of said birthday last year. Maybe to prove that i lived through the car wreck adventure of being 22.
I'm off to ASDA in a bit to buy alcohol, a wide screen tv and much more fun. If you're out and about come and meet me in town and have a drink with me to celebrate the arrival of a new age and hopefully better times not only for me but more importantly those folk around me.
On Tuesday i'll be doing it all over again with people from work. I finish work at 8pm and head straight for cheap vodka and more frolics before eventually ending i should imagine at my home from homes the blue angel.
The David Rooney Birthday Tour 2008 commences tonight. If you wish to drink with me at any point over the next 5 nights just name your location and i shall be there...
My birthday isnt until Tuesday so i don't have to bear the knowledge that i will be 23. My word that is a truly old age. I know i've been saying "21 is old" and "22 is really old" before and i must sound like a broken record. But seriously, 23 is old. I was always lying before then i said my previous ages were old. I think to get a rise out of people. But 23 is a settling down age. I'm about as far away from settling down as a Gypsy. My life is more up in the air than Richard Branson in a hot air balloon. (before he crashes)
I'm busy listening to the script's album (which i have to say is a fine album) whilst looking through the pictures of last year's birthday. Happy smiling pictures of me, my dad, my mum and my sister before the night began and everyone started arriving at my house. So many pictures of friends who drifted away into the abyss and pictures of people you barely see anymore. Pictures of people who would be affected so much by personal tragedy themselves in the year that faced us all exactly one year ago today. One one knew what would happen in the year ahead
Now this entry might sound like the writings of a depressed maniac. But i'm truly not. I'm just feeling very reflective on this day because it connects me with my birthday from last year and it does really make you think. Yet again i'm left with a feeling of indifference towards this rollercoaster we call life.
Tonight i shall commence my drinking at 7pm and head into town at around 9:45pm (if taxis can show up) before crashing into the blue angel with tidal wave force. Maybe i need to complete this birthday night lap once more in order to bury the memories of said birthday last year. Maybe to prove that i lived through the car wreck adventure of being 22.
I'm off to ASDA in a bit to buy alcohol, a wide screen tv and much more fun. If you're out and about come and meet me in town and have a drink with me to celebrate the arrival of a new age and hopefully better times not only for me but more importantly those folk around me.
On Tuesday i'll be doing it all over again with people from work. I finish work at 8pm and head straight for cheap vodka and more frolics before eventually ending i should imagine at my home from homes the blue angel.
The David Rooney Birthday Tour 2008 commences tonight. If you wish to drink with me at any point over the next 5 nights just name your location and i shall be there...
Monday, 29 September 2008
A series of random explicit thoughts
Who am I? What am I? Where am i headed in life? All questions I ask myself every single day. I consider myself a morally good person deep down but just technically flawed. Is this just a biased opinion? Am i really what i guess myself to be? Do people see me through the same eyes as i do?
Deep questions for the day...
In other news we're approaching my birthday. The past two birthdays have been very depressing affairs as the realisation that i'm getting old starts to hit home. This birthday I hit the mega age of 23. There is really no kidding the fact I will be old at this point...the whole blaming it on maturity of youth is really being lost as i get another year older.
The horrible thing is at 23 my Mum and Dad got engaged. Now i know we're in a new society where most people get married in their 30's but still. I'm single in a job which i'm not particularly bad at but i don't see as my type of job. I don't see it as my final finishing job. A job to work in for the rest of my life.
Yet where do i actually see myself...Anyone know the answer to this?
To end tonight's entry let's discuss my birthday plans. It'll be this saturday. I like to call this night as the mega drinking celebration of my loveliness. If you're interested on this tour of excellence to new and crazy realms of drunkness please get in touch with me.
Being a bit of a psychopath i always consider October 6th (the day before my birthday) as a bit of a series finale in my life before the next 'series' begins with my birthday. This began when i was a young kid with youthful humour and wit. But what has actually transpired is that weird things happen on this day. Really weird things.
Either things which have been building up recently explode in a mess of awkwardness or drama or i find out something interesting...October 6th always seems to tie up my year proceeding in a nice little bow. Fingers crossed the weird tradition continues this year.
Until next time,
This has been a rather deep, reflective and kind of weird behaving
David and The RoonMeister
Deep questions for the day...
In other news we're approaching my birthday. The past two birthdays have been very depressing affairs as the realisation that i'm getting old starts to hit home. This birthday I hit the mega age of 23. There is really no kidding the fact I will be old at this point...the whole blaming it on maturity of youth is really being lost as i get another year older.
The horrible thing is at 23 my Mum and Dad got engaged. Now i know we're in a new society where most people get married in their 30's but still. I'm single in a job which i'm not particularly bad at but i don't see as my type of job. I don't see it as my final finishing job. A job to work in for the rest of my life.
Yet where do i actually see myself...Anyone know the answer to this?
To end tonight's entry let's discuss my birthday plans. It'll be this saturday. I like to call this night as the mega drinking celebration of my loveliness. If you're interested on this tour of excellence to new and crazy realms of drunkness please get in touch with me.
Being a bit of a psychopath i always consider October 6th (the day before my birthday) as a bit of a series finale in my life before the next 'series' begins with my birthday. This began when i was a young kid with youthful humour and wit. But what has actually transpired is that weird things happen on this day. Really weird things.
Either things which have been building up recently explode in a mess of awkwardness or drama or i find out something interesting...October 6th always seems to tie up my year proceeding in a nice little bow. Fingers crossed the weird tradition continues this year.
Until next time,
This has been a rather deep, reflective and kind of weird behaving
David and The RoonMeister
Thursday, 25 September 2008
David Rooney: The Finest Music 2008
Everyone produces rip off music albums for hit teen tv shows. Well i'm not a teen and i'm not technically a tv show (though don't tell me that) but hell music has played a big role in my year of 2008. My ipod goes everywhere with me. It's 4GB of lovely memory stores around 1200 songs and whenever a big event in my year happens...tragic or funny i seem to have the habit of grabbing the ipod hitting the shuffle button and somehow stumbling onto a song that i forever link the event with. Sounds weird? Well it's me...
Plus there's also some songs i've liked lots this year. Some songs on this list i don't like. But have a symbolic meaning to me for this year of all years.
Enjoy...or mock me. Whatever is easier.
1) Gimmie More- Britney Spears
(A legendary song. I choose a song every year to be my 'year song'. A song that i hope represents my year ahead. Or mainly a song i like around December time...I saw Gimmie More as boss. An arrogant song of me telling the world to "give me more". Unfortunately the world heard and proceeded to give me a lot of cack. Maybe the song is ironic then...
2) Hoppipola- Sigur Ros
Perfect emotional music. When my life starting going down the crapper i went and looked for an emotional song. Kev Mc provided me the inspiration. If you want to slash your wrists this is the song for you...
3) Longest Road- Morgan Page
Lets throw in some popular dance music. A classic song. It was a long road of a year...but usually more symbolic when i'm walking home from the pub with the 1 mile stretch of road ahead...
4) Scream- Timbaland
Because at many times i felt like screaming is probably why i held this song warmly...Plus the jazzy token generic beats.
5) If i never see your face again- Maroon 5 and Rihanna
Break up night. I'm with Armstrong. Emotions running high. This song comes out on. Relief passes through me. I have a chorus. A chant. I also have a very bad hangover the next day in work.
6) With you- Chris Brown
I know i might get abused for this choice. But this song doesn't have any significant reason for being in my album its just a good song. Plus i like listening to with my hood up and doing a chris brown dance down the street...
7) Changes- David Bowie
No explaination needed...
8) Rehab- Rihanna
Gran Canaria was my rehab. Vodka was my lover.
9) Numb Encore- Jay Z and Linkin Park
Holiday song played a lot on random shuffle. Every night on holiday was my encore. Drinks flowing, laughter and black prostitutes sexually assaulting
10) The man who can't be moved- The Script
A mega song. I don't know why people don't like it. Was 2008 the year Rooney could not be moved? Song was almost written about me...We'll be sure to find out later on in the year...
Until next time fans enjoy the lovely camp music. I'm sure to add to this list in the coming weeks as i realise what songs i've missed out/find more crappy songs.
Tomorrow i'll tell you why i rule the world. Not the Coldplay song either.
Plus there's also some songs i've liked lots this year. Some songs on this list i don't like. But have a symbolic meaning to me for this year of all years.
Enjoy...or mock me. Whatever is easier.
1) Gimmie More- Britney Spears
(A legendary song. I choose a song every year to be my 'year song'. A song that i hope represents my year ahead. Or mainly a song i like around December time...I saw Gimmie More as boss. An arrogant song of me telling the world to "give me more". Unfortunately the world heard and proceeded to give me a lot of cack. Maybe the song is ironic then...
2) Hoppipola- Sigur Ros
Perfect emotional music. When my life starting going down the crapper i went and looked for an emotional song. Kev Mc provided me the inspiration. If you want to slash your wrists this is the song for you...
3) Longest Road- Morgan Page
Lets throw in some popular dance music. A classic song. It was a long road of a year...but usually more symbolic when i'm walking home from the pub with the 1 mile stretch of road ahead...
4) Scream- Timbaland
Because at many times i felt like screaming is probably why i held this song warmly...Plus the jazzy token generic beats.
5) If i never see your face again- Maroon 5 and Rihanna
Break up night. I'm with Armstrong. Emotions running high. This song comes out on. Relief passes through me. I have a chorus. A chant. I also have a very bad hangover the next day in work.
6) With you- Chris Brown
I know i might get abused for this choice. But this song doesn't have any significant reason for being in my album its just a good song. Plus i like listening to with my hood up and doing a chris brown dance down the street...
7) Changes- David Bowie
No explaination needed...
8) Rehab- Rihanna
Gran Canaria was my rehab. Vodka was my lover.
9) Numb Encore- Jay Z and Linkin Park
Holiday song played a lot on random shuffle. Every night on holiday was my encore. Drinks flowing, laughter and black prostitutes sexually assaulting
10) The man who can't be moved- The Script
A mega song. I don't know why people don't like it. Was 2008 the year Rooney could not be moved? Song was almost written about me...We'll be sure to find out later on in the year...
Until next time fans enjoy the lovely camp music. I'm sure to add to this list in the coming weeks as i realise what songs i've missed out/find more crappy songs.
Tomorrow i'll tell you why i rule the world. Not the Coldplay song either.
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
The First Night- A warning shot.
This first night really paved the way for the total fucked up holiday ahead. Consider this little problem ahead. You get a plane to Gran Canaria at 8pm. You arrive tired, sweaty and destroyed at around 12:30. You wait in a humid airport for 30 minutes waiting for you suitcase to finally arrive. You then set off on a coach filled with other hot and sweaty people for a 30 minute drive in total darkness to your hotel. Whilst on the way dropping off irritating people before you.
What do you do once you finally get in?
Sleep surely.
Nope not David.
I'm not even trying to big myself up for this one either. Since both Martin and Will decided to go to sleep (it had been a long day) i wanted to go for a quiet walk to see the sights. I should have realised it would go dreadfully wrong due to the fact our hotel was next to the irish centre and all its fine bars and clubs.
As I made the 2 minute walk towards the centre I was stopped by a black prostitute. These thieving whores would make many appearances on my holiday with the climax of our run in's the famous robbery that took place which I generally deserved due to me being totally fucked. But tonight all they did was attempt to persuade me for some sexual antics behind a dumpster.
Let me paint a picture of these women. Fat, Black, Sweaty, Greasy haired whores. You could literally smell the exrement on them. Even though I was sober i would have forced them to pay me a large amount of money (possibly a million quid) for me to even contemplate sleeping with them. I would then have been forced to eliminate them from the planet and bathe in some toxic waste to totally cleanse myself.
Sober David panicked and ran away from the whores and into the welcoming arms of....an irish man advertising a bar who ushered me into a bar. It all felt so welcoming and a relief to have an irish angel to free me from the filthy whores outside. Plus he offered me 2 for 1 on drinks and 2 free shots. This felt like good business in the credit crunch....
I surveyed my situation. I was trapped in an irish karaoke bar. I was alone with 2 very strong doubles (in Gran Canaria the vodka takes up about 70% of the glass- no shit). Around me were irritatingly loud families and bad singers who kept taking the stage denying the fact they couldn't sing. Aren't holidays hilarious for the amount of tits who think because they're in a different country and drunk they can suddenly sing bat out of hell and "i would walk 10000 miles". But i didn't care. I'd just arrived on holiday. I had cheap drinks.
Obviously my body wasn't used to the strength of the vodkas and suddenly it felt a good idea to climb the stairs in the building and go to the night club on top. It was 2am.
The night club was reasonably busy considering it was late September. The sights around me were comical. Girls slutting it up by dancing like whores around each other wearing nothing but bikinis (i love bitter David) and idiot guys passed out on the tables waking up only to attempt to pull a girl. It was a train wreck. Suddenly I looked reasonably normal as i sat alone drinking more doubles.
When she showed up.
The Irish Angel. Aofie.
She beckoned me over with her friend who were on the table in front. At no point did i consider I would have a chance with such an "angel of the night". It was a correct assumption. But that didn't matter. She was fit. She was irish. I was alone in a night getting further drunk. Now when i returned home i would look like a hero to all those around me by the sheer fact i'd be hammered and have photos of me and fit girls.
After every double The RoonMeister was slowly appearing on the scene until the bastard arrived with a full force. Suddenly I was buying shots for everyone on my table. People began to cheer my name. I couldn't understand the majority of what people were saying due to the accents but regardless as i told will later on whilst drunk "I fucking loved it".
Next up came Irish Brian. It was his last night in Gran Canaria. For some reason I got his phone number. What a legend. I remember ripping the shit out of everyone else in the bar with Brian. If I was a woman i'd even do Brian. That accent alone made me weak at my knees. I saw the moves Brian was making on the angel Aofie. Unfortunately I was not a good partner in crime for Brian as at this point i was too drunk and confused to fuck off and leave the two of them. I remained half collapsed up against the window.
I even got Aofies number though it turned out later to be fake. Cock blocked and humiliation. I later saw her again and she bought me a shot of tequila. She maintained the number to be correct and gave me her bebo to add her. I didn't have bebo but for fucking Aofie i'd have a bebo. She has requested my friendship so the jury is still out on the phone number. I tend to believe her due to the fact she's republic of ireland. I was attempting to call an irish number, from an english mobile which was on a spanish network. At least thats my story and i'm sticking to it.
Eventually i got onto the fact that Aofie and Brian wanted a quiet night and collapsed into my room. It was 5am. In the process waking Will up. This would be a largely reoccuring theme for that poor bastard who would be forced to share a room with me. I woke him up knocking on the door drunkenly and telling him my stories of fine doubles and hot girls.
He looked at me puzzled at how my walk descended into a 5 hour binge drinking session with about 6 irish people. I had no answers to the questions. I would spend the rest of my holiday attempting to reveal these truths.
I think from this point i never hit the perfect drunk-sober level. Emotion and anger would set in during future nights. Whilst some of the people i spoke to this first night i would see around again and they'd blank me due to the fact on the future nights i was way too hammered. On this night it all worked. I was THE MAN.
What do you do once you finally get in?
Sleep surely.
Nope not David.
I'm not even trying to big myself up for this one either. Since both Martin and Will decided to go to sleep (it had been a long day) i wanted to go for a quiet walk to see the sights. I should have realised it would go dreadfully wrong due to the fact our hotel was next to the irish centre and all its fine bars and clubs.
As I made the 2 minute walk towards the centre I was stopped by a black prostitute. These thieving whores would make many appearances on my holiday with the climax of our run in's the famous robbery that took place which I generally deserved due to me being totally fucked. But tonight all they did was attempt to persuade me for some sexual antics behind a dumpster.
Let me paint a picture of these women. Fat, Black, Sweaty, Greasy haired whores. You could literally smell the exrement on them. Even though I was sober i would have forced them to pay me a large amount of money (possibly a million quid) for me to even contemplate sleeping with them. I would then have been forced to eliminate them from the planet and bathe in some toxic waste to totally cleanse myself.
Sober David panicked and ran away from the whores and into the welcoming arms of....an irish man advertising a bar who ushered me into a bar. It all felt so welcoming and a relief to have an irish angel to free me from the filthy whores outside. Plus he offered me 2 for 1 on drinks and 2 free shots. This felt like good business in the credit crunch....
I surveyed my situation. I was trapped in an irish karaoke bar. I was alone with 2 very strong doubles (in Gran Canaria the vodka takes up about 70% of the glass- no shit). Around me were irritatingly loud families and bad singers who kept taking the stage denying the fact they couldn't sing. Aren't holidays hilarious for the amount of tits who think because they're in a different country and drunk they can suddenly sing bat out of hell and "i would walk 10000 miles". But i didn't care. I'd just arrived on holiday. I had cheap drinks.
Obviously my body wasn't used to the strength of the vodkas and suddenly it felt a good idea to climb the stairs in the building and go to the night club on top. It was 2am.
The night club was reasonably busy considering it was late September. The sights around me were comical. Girls slutting it up by dancing like whores around each other wearing nothing but bikinis (i love bitter David) and idiot guys passed out on the tables waking up only to attempt to pull a girl. It was a train wreck. Suddenly I looked reasonably normal as i sat alone drinking more doubles.
When she showed up.
The Irish Angel. Aofie.
She beckoned me over with her friend who were on the table in front. At no point did i consider I would have a chance with such an "angel of the night". It was a correct assumption. But that didn't matter. She was fit. She was irish. I was alone in a night getting further drunk. Now when i returned home i would look like a hero to all those around me by the sheer fact i'd be hammered and have photos of me and fit girls.
After every double The RoonMeister was slowly appearing on the scene until the bastard arrived with a full force. Suddenly I was buying shots for everyone on my table. People began to cheer my name. I couldn't understand the majority of what people were saying due to the accents but regardless as i told will later on whilst drunk "I fucking loved it".
Next up came Irish Brian. It was his last night in Gran Canaria. For some reason I got his phone number. What a legend. I remember ripping the shit out of everyone else in the bar with Brian. If I was a woman i'd even do Brian. That accent alone made me weak at my knees. I saw the moves Brian was making on the angel Aofie. Unfortunately I was not a good partner in crime for Brian as at this point i was too drunk and confused to fuck off and leave the two of them. I remained half collapsed up against the window.
I even got Aofies number though it turned out later to be fake. Cock blocked and humiliation. I later saw her again and she bought me a shot of tequila. She maintained the number to be correct and gave me her bebo to add her. I didn't have bebo but for fucking Aofie i'd have a bebo. She has requested my friendship so the jury is still out on the phone number. I tend to believe her due to the fact she's republic of ireland. I was attempting to call an irish number, from an english mobile which was on a spanish network. At least thats my story and i'm sticking to it.
Eventually i got onto the fact that Aofie and Brian wanted a quiet night and collapsed into my room. It was 5am. In the process waking Will up. This would be a largely reoccuring theme for that poor bastard who would be forced to share a room with me. I woke him up knocking on the door drunkenly and telling him my stories of fine doubles and hot girls.
He looked at me puzzled at how my walk descended into a 5 hour binge drinking session with about 6 irish people. I had no answers to the questions. I would spend the rest of my holiday attempting to reveal these truths.
I think from this point i never hit the perfect drunk-sober level. Emotion and anger would set in during future nights. Whilst some of the people i spoke to this first night i would see around again and they'd blank me due to the fact on the future nights i was way too hammered. On this night it all worked. I was THE MAN.
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