Foreward

I had several reasons for beginning to write this biographical review of my year of 2008. The most important one being i wanted to record the events to look back upon. I wanted to capture my emotion as it was at its most rawest. I contemplated just writing it myself and saving it to my computer and never letting it see the light of the day. But then i considered the fact that it might be useful for people to see a tiny bit more of me and more importantly how i coped with a chain of events which almost had me at my knees.

I'm a completely complex character so how my mind works even I don't know some of the times. I hide my true emotions from myself and from those around me. Humour is my mask. So often throughout the year when people ask how i've been i've joked or fooled about. It's easy to dismiss the impact of events on a fool. But this has been my way of reacting. I don't deal very well with emotional issues. Maybe these articles, as i mentioned earlier, might allow people to realise the fact the events of 2008 have changed me inside as well as letting me learn a little more about myself at the same time.

As we all know, because i've probably gone on about it enough, this has been the difficult year of my life. The diagnosis of my Dad's cancer, his treatment and his death all followed this calender year. I had to watch as the man who brought me into this world slowly but surely died in front of my eyes. Seeing things like that will change you forever. It's not a case of being able to 'move on' and things 'getting better'. From now on my life will purely based around the concept of letting it bother me a little less each day.

On top of that we had breakdown in relationships at probably the worse time possible. As I lurched from one extreme emotion to another coping with the news of my father my relationship with my girlfriend came to a sudden end. These articles won't really comment on the issues because there isn't much to discuss on relationship breakdowns. It happened and it happens to everyone. But i will discuss the impact it had on me, not in a love sense but the fact i had to cope with suddenly being very lonely in a world which was spinning out of control for me. I had to remain strong for those around me whilst the very foundations in my life were collapsing under me.

I'll try very best not to make my stories seem too bleak and depressing because in a sense I survived these trials because i'm writing these articles to you right now. I survived a year so far that threw everything it could at me. Am i shining example of how to cope with life? Absolutely not. Some of the behaviours i'm currently exhibiting are worrying. I won't go into much detail with this as it's not an area i wish to leave out there. My theme is to capture my emotional journey through the year, show the impact and try to remove the sense that my personality means i was fine throughout it all. I wasn't. Joking about 'my awful life' often is another way i try to get some perspective on it all. Again the jokes continue and i hope my actions don't lessen or dilute the stories i'll tell you.

Some of the stories i hope will leave you emotional, some will leave you shocked and i hope some will make you laugh even.

It is a story of a 22 and 23 year old coping with the breakdown of everything he felt. A person who deep down I hope is a good guy trying his best who fell into impossible situations after impossible situation. Who experienced misadventure after misadventure. Whilst you're going through trials in life you seem to find yourself in absurd situations. This year has been no different.

The story or aftermath of 2008 will continue. Right now i need to accept what has happened and draw my line under it and start afresh come 1st January and hope that fate has a better set of cards to deal me. I need to manage all this so i can rebuild again.

I tell people that I feel numb to all emotions and experiences. People may see this as a bit of a joke of mine or something I say for attention. But after everything that has happend I feel nothing. I'm not saying this for sympathy. Perhaps all i'm asking for is a reason why this is happening to me. By writing these articles perhaps i can get my answers. I deem it as either the greatest gift or a death curse. I feel no sadness, no happiness, no guilt, no anger, no frustration, no pride, no emotion. It's this lack of emotion which has left me detatched from life. Which allows me to live the life i'm living. A life devoid of consequences where I seem hell bent on going 100mph without a care. I hope these articles will give explanations to people why I seem to act like this.

I keep running, keep laughing, keep working, keep sociaising, keep spinning on the floor in a desperate attempt to remain in life's spotlight. If i keep myself busy the spotlight remains on me. My mask of contempt remains tightly around my face hiding all behind it from everyone and myself. I keep charging through my life desperate to avoid the question. What happens then the mask falls from me? What happens then the spotlight dims. How do i finally face up to the issues i've tried to surpress as problems I don't need to deal with?

Yes this will be a deep emotional adventure for all of us! But again i must stress this is not a story i'm telling for attention or sympathy. I don't need or ask of any. As i said the fact that i got to this point is in itself a reason to celebrate. Yes there may be months ahead where i'll need your sympathy and concerns but right now i'm dealing, living and fighting. A fact which should be celebrated.

It's at this point where I thank the people who helped me this year. My family obviously is small and is smaller now. We have come together for each other. My friends also helped me unbelievably. Their strength and support helped me survive the year, without them i don't know how i would be now. Sometimes i think i'm undeserving of their kindness. The people who turned out for my dads funeral touched me a lot. Everyone helped in their own way.

Not to mention William McGuinness however would be an insult to him. The guy helped me in ways I will never be able to repay. He was the one person I shared some of the complex emotions i felt, emotions i didn't completely understand and still don't. For that I thank him. My thanks must also go strongly to Paul Armstrong. A friend you can ring at any time for a drink is a true friend indeed! He was there at the end of my Dad and for break up night. Maybe because i'm not very good at being emotional in spoken words he underestimates the help he provided to me. Then I needed unspoken support he was there. He was also there for many, many of the misadventures which kept my heart racing this year. For that I thank him totally. Those misadventures saved me! To all the rest of my friends a deep thank you.

So to you dear reader I hope you enjoy these articles. I'll be beginning with a tale of January 2008 where fate dealt it's hand to me. At the moment i don't know how many articles i'll write. I was contemplating a month by month review but i think in this instance that wouldn't be the best option. Anyway i hope you find this an interesting read at a difficult period of my life which i hope will lead into a fruitful 2009 where i can find some redemption for myself and for my family.

All the best,

David Rooney