Yeah you know what after drunkenly writing the weird advert for "movie" (which was ripped from a real movie advert) based on my year of 2008 i decided to actually look into whether I could create a movie based on the shambolic advents of said year. After much walking, listening to my Ipod and alcohol I decided this was in fact very possible to do!
Plus it's a mega egotistical thing to do. Thinking you're important enough and massive enough to actually be worthy of an autobiographical movie based on one year of your life. I do think all these things already so making a movie would not be a big step i'd need to take.
Obviously some things i need to put to rest first before I go into any more detail on my movie provisionally titled "The Fall of David Rooney":
- I use the word movie loosely. It'll be filmed on a tiny camera. Quality will be acceptable but probably a bit shaky if i'm running at the time (yes i plan to run)
- Can you class something that would probably only last half an hour a movie?
- I would be recreating some aspects of my life in 2008 but also making a lot up. The true events which did occur i'd put a comic spin on and include more alcohol and more nudity.
The whole comic spin is obviously a given. How could I get my friends to star in it if it was 30+ mins of tragic sadness...where's the joy in that. This movie would feature the dramatic fall from grace for David but all shown in a comic light (obviously the worst part of my year would not be included at all) so i'd like to class the movie as a tragic comedy. Which a lot of people use to describe my life anyway...
Some ideas and thoughts i'd have for the movie.
- I'd be the main character. Obviously. I'm the kind, lovely and amazing hero who life tries to screw over.
- I'd actually play two characters. After finishing with my girlfriend Emily (we will be on the wedding steps when we break up) I turn to alcohol to fix my problems and begin to write my problems down on my blog. After a lot of alcohol I regenerate into another character. The infamous The RoonMeister. A guy who shows no emotion, drinks too much but this time pulls more women than Hitler (he may have pulled a lot). Think of The Mask movie. I'm David Rooney the normal guy but once drunk i am taken over by the RoonMeister and wake up dreading what i've done. The RoonMeister has been created by my feeling of loss but also turns out to actually save my soul even if he is a remorseless sexual degenerate.
- Ken would play my blog. Yes this truly is a fucked up idea for a totally fucked up movie. Ken would in a sense play my sub conscious. I'd express my thoughts of anger, hatred, love and admit my failings to Ken. He'd be alongside me always but no one else would see him or react to him. Imagine the comedy aspects this could open up. I'm talking to ken in the movie about my feelings in one scene and people would ask me "who are you talking to?". Comic genius. I don't know why Ken has to play this part i just couldnt imagine anyone else doing so.
- I bed two women as the roonmeister and wake up regretting both decisions. One turns out to be a total psychopath (obviously) and the other turns out to be madly in love with me to the point of stalking (ironic twist to the formula of my life...)
- I have a Rocky like training scene where i'm jogging trying to get my life in order with me jogging alongside Will who is driving slowly down the road shouting encouragements. Next a couple of scenes of me climbing a lamp post, jumping over a bin before finally jumping on a park bench with arms aloft celebrating rocky style.
- I get arrested for travel fraud.
- There's a lot of stupid scenes planned of the RoonMeister who i'll make into a completely cool but ultimately wreckless guy. Whenever a bit of alcohol touches my lips he comes out of me. Imagine the hulk scene or when clark kent becomes superman. As i will be ripping my shirt open to turn into the roonmeister who will be wearing a t shirt with the word 'rooney' on it. He'll also wear some 1980's style shades.
- I get caught up in a drug gang war as people mistake me for the cousin of famous footballer Dwayne Rooney the fine striker for Tolcaster United. Expect more running, squealing as i attempt to hide and try in vain to bring out the roonmeister who probably would fight the thugs only to receive a beating with a large loaf of tiger bread.
- I'm sacked from ASDA. Which will be filmed in ASDA. Think of how boss that could look...
- At the end of the movie the theme of recovery and rebuilding starts. A rather dramatic and perhaps blasphermous scene will occur where people will pick me up in the air. Cheesy music will play as i'm literally rebuilt...
Does his story end happily in this remix of the year? Well no the theme for the movie is survival and rebuilding. I survive the madness of the year to become a more mellowed person. But i can assure you there will be a few tears at the climax of the movie.
Obviously now what is needed is actually planning when to film the movie. There is no need for a script. I would give people the basics of each scene and any important words needed to be said. Other than that its blind luck what we film.
Also and probably more funny is the movie will be filmed primarily in my house over an entire weekend. I would provide the alcohol. We would film all day saturday with scenes outside a church and in asda. Saturday night we'd get hammered and film all night whilst sleeping in mine Sunday would include more drinking which will then hilariously include the running scenes as i get fit and the other scene of running away from hired thugs (who i imagine will be wearing football kits). Maybe i'd throw in some wacky outfits too. I'm thinking i'd like someone to wear a clowns suit.
So pretty much the movie is a wacky fucked up version of my real year with a lot more alcohol injected, a comic twist and partial to full nudity. Scenes filmed from total amateurs with fucked up outfits and every scene showing the actors getting more and more wasted.
When shall we film? Well i predict i'll have a free house soon. I'll let you all know then i do. As for the people i need. Well i need the people who played a part in my 2008 life (i.e the close friends of yours truly), also some hired goons and two women who would be prepared to get into bed with me without their top or wearing a vest top with the straps down to tease the camera that we are both waking up naked next to each other.
Oh the hollywood effects eh!
I think this movie would absolutely PWN. I have so many ideas. Ideas i couldnt even put down here as they'd blow YOUR MIND AWAY. You wait for it! The Fall of David Rooney will be the greatest most fucked up movie you will ever experience in your damn lives! Plus...i think we'll all learn something about each other in the process of making this spiritual movie.
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